How in gods name do you get the 4 plastic grills out of the hood? Anyone ever attempted this successfully without breaking them?

I remove them all the time, they are pretty simple once you have done it a few times.

Front Vents: First raise the hood. Along the frame under the front of your hood you will see four round holes, two per vent. These holes each have one self threading nut in there attached to the front end of the vents. Take these nuts off then lift the vent out of the hood by pulling up on the front of the vent (the end nearest the hood). Never pull on the upper end of the vents or it will break the tabs.

Side Vents: With the hood still raised, look near your hood latch under the hood, and you should see two square holes on each side that open into the vent cavity. Inside these holes you can see the metal clips that hold the vent down. Use a screwdriver to depress the center of the clip and then pull the vent up by lifting slightly on the side facing the center of your hood. Once the clip is up enouugh that it wont reclip on the hood, do the other clip. When both clips are released and you lift if up, it should tilt out towards the fender and lift from the hole. Never pull up on the side facing the fender or you will break off the plastic tabs that hold the side down.

This should get you fixed up. If you need some pics, let me know.