Thought we may all need a laugh...
You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.
-If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
-If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
This is what happpens when racers(the ones that turn at the end of a straight-away) get bored during the off season...too Funny...
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A RACER WHEN:
*You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
*You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars (seats).
*You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
*You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
*You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to "racing depth".
*When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
*When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
*You change engine oil every other week.
*You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
*You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
*Your racing budget is one of the big three - mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
*Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.
*You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
*You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
*You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
*You bought a race car before buying a house.
*You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
*You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture.
*You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
*The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere or hookups for the motorhome.
*You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been purchased.
*You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
*Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
*You have enough spare parts to build another car.
*More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
*You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
*You can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
*Your Christmas list begins with "another set of Toyo RA1's" (and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
*After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
*You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'. (Dont we all?)
*Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
*People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
*People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you're the one stuck in the mud at ButtonBog last weekend!"
*You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
*You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
*You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
*You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
*You always do a toe & heel downshift while your passenger gives you a real funny look.
*You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
*You can't stand understeer.
*You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better.
*You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
*You hate long distance drives to visit relatives, or to go on vacation, but you'll gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
*You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
*You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her van.
*You save broken car parts as "mementos".
*The local tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards of.
*The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.(Is that why I get harrased!?!)
*You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option.
*You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter."
*You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
*When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber".
*You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.(Sounds like my family!)
*You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.
*You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.(*L* I honestly was going to do that the other day but my friend in the car would freak...so I dropped her off and went to go back but they had taken them down!!!
)
(hey, we can legally be as loud as we want until 10:00pm)and when we would block half of the street when we would load the racecar on to the trailer every Friday night...and apparently Red Line Oil(one of our sponsors) rear end lube smells like natural gas...we found that out one night when we were changing it in the garage with the garage door open and we noticed that all of our neighbors were standing on the sidewalks, so we asked whats wrong? they told us they smelt natural gas and called the fire dept. and the gas co. and were told to stand outside...when they came they found that the smell seemed to be coming from our garage... 
...Of course now he racecar is in my uncles garage in San Marcos so its his neighbors problem now...hehe and our neighbors are happier...they still hate our cars and the boat being worked on but thats there problem...
