MY-92-RS

iTrader: (3)

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3
Cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,
Alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of Metro
Around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by
surprise...
I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino
Blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a
Streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my
Bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my
Own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.
I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford
Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers,
And schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.
The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's
Eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves
And slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn*
Cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming
Cylinders...
Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding
Cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke
Pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was
Letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and
I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel
juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra
Liters of motor stretched its legs.
I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to
Blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a
Glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...
He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... maybe
Even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk
Cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction ... Yet still I persisted, with
My three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song wound fully out.
Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the
Crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his
Engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his
Rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and
Nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning
Hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not
Ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one
Wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We
Careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A
Bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted
An eye.
He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to
Third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot
Circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of
Me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome
Tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little
To take the next corner.
I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed,
I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet.
Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I
Came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease
Onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the
Ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling
Me through the corner, and around the Festiva ...
The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the
Outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light.
We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving
Gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly
Flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!
I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking
For other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon
Van!
Most people do this every day, but just don't get paid for it

DynoDave43

iTrader: (11)

You need to upgrade to a Sprint Turbo.

straightbuchana

Ha! I'm on night shift, and was borderline about to go to sleep, when I read that. Made my night

NoEmissions84TA

iTrader: (1)

That was funny. And it reads just like a Fast & Furious race scene that takes several minutes to watch of what is supposed to be a 10 second race. Thanks.

dmccain

iTrader: (2)

+Screwed up and raced one these ugly hatchbacks back in high school with my 87 Formula, it was complete annihilation! These cars were quick for their day lil ugly things.

Reddragon88gta

That was hilarious, reminded me of a race between a rusted out 91' Cavalier and a mid 90's Hyundai back in high school, both junked out but at least they had stick shifts.

MY-92-RS

iTrader: (3)

Those dodge Shelby GLH which means GO Like HELL !! bad **** in the day ..Carol Shelby himself working for Lee Iacoca again this time with Dodge..ran these agents his original GT-350 mustangs a beat them bad !! with this ugly sleeper POS.. The Blue Oval people were not very happy !!

dmccain

iTrader: (2)

Yea I think he crossed the quarter mile and I was a good ten car lengths behind. Guy wouldn't show his slip I always wondered what it ran I was running high 14s he must have been a full second or more faster.

vinny R

Wow, you should be a writter! Great read...gotta ask Did you really race a festiva with a geo!

vinny R

This thing looks just like that VW Gulf GTI, which is referred to here as the "Rabbit" Those were pretty stout back in the 80's. I wonder if this Shelby was nothing more than a re branded GTI?

vinny R

Different rims and decals!

TallTim

iTrader: (2)

Unlimited slip diff - too funny! - Good writing!

QwkTrip

iTrader: (22)

Good story telling!

LOL! That is a lil ugly thing!

I'm afraid it won't be too many more years before lil ugly electric cars will be kicking our butts daily. Oh, that's going to a sad day for my hobby.

zya5point0

iTrader: (4)

been occupied a lot lately and missed this, lol. Yea, great writing skills to op! These old turbo dodges... beware of them! After all there is a whole forum devoted to these cars. Go on YouTube and look up the 10 second k-car 😨

86firebird350

@TireSmokin' THAT'S how you tell a story!

zman1969

iTrader: (9)

Bravo, Bravo that must of had the Testosterone raging in your latayed hulk of humanity
add opera clap
well done chap