BRobinson

I've been extremely lucky, nothing too bad, but:

1. A 1996 Grand Prix is NOT the way to haul a 305 block 50-something miles to have it cleaned. 50 miles EACH WAY....wifey wasn't happy about me having to replace the rear struts.

2. Didn't re-adjust the torque wrench after torquing down main bearing caps...on a Sunday. Snapped a rod bolt. I found ONE shop with someone working overtime that day and he was, of all things, regrinding Chevy rods. 50 mile drive and $10 under the table and every thing was peachy

3. Forgot to double check all the fittings on the engine before I primed it. No oil pressure sending unit+No pipe plug=BIG MESS!

4. Ripped out all the wiring and didn't label anything. Managed to get the car running with Trickster's help . , but I still don't have a heater or windshield wipers.

5. *This space reserved for some future incredibly stupid thing I am more than likely to do*

camaro430sut

iTrader: (2)

well i got two stories. i work at body shop and we get some pretty nasty hits sometimes. so last winter we get a trailblazer that was up in maine. on their way home they hit a moose. it competly destroyed the front end of this truck. so we get it all apart and start the repairs. its on the frame machine and we r startin to starighten the pass side frame rail. so my boss starts beatin on it with this huge clown like red sledge hammer. im walkin by and just has it hits i hear this hissing noise. i just figure its a air tool leaking a lil air. i walk back and hes lookin at the ac compressor. im like what happened, he sent the hammer right through the condensor.
my other story also happened at work. we had a older corvette, 77 i think. the front crossmember had a crack in it and needed to be welded up. so we jack it up and put two jack stands under the frame. we get under to weld it when someone comes over and leans on the fender. the car slipped off the jack and landed about two inches down on the jack stand. nearly scared me to death.

Token

I pulled the motor and tranny before draining the transmission, causing a cascade of ATF to leak all over. Then I put the pan under it to catch the remaining few quarts and began to pull the hoist backwards and it clipped the pan and flipped it over, so three gallons of ATF has soaked into my driveway and wont get out.

Dr.NickRiviera

I put the battery hld down posts on my Mitsu on backwards. Didn't realize this at the time. Closed the hood and it didn't latch. WTF?
Open it again and slam it shut, still not closed all the way. Open it again look at hook, it's fine. Look around hood. What's this? There is a nice 1/2 dent poking up. I realize my mistake, change the posts around close hood, look at paint. FSCK!! The paint cracked and pieces have already flaked off. I got some enamel clear coat that I use on plastic models and paint over the blemish. I then went out and got a LeBra for the car.

Just a few weeks ago I noticed I had a stong oder of oil when i was driving in the T/A?? Oh ****. I get to work look under the car, no oil leaking so it eaither all blew out or it's fine. I open the hood and pull the dipstick. Ok, Oil is a little low but not dangerously low or anything. I then notice that the Oil cap is missing. Crap I forgot to put it on when i changed the oil 2 WEEKS AGO!!! I look all over the place for the cap because I usually put it on the built in tool tray. Nothing.

Crap, I drive to pep boys about a mile away,another mile can't hurt. I get my oil cap, open the hood of the car and what is the 1st thing I see. There's my oil cap sitting next to the headlight.

I was to embarrased to return the cap i bought so now i have a spare in the car for when i do this again.

ploegi

One fine afternoon, I had decided to finally strip the rest of my jag, so I could dispose of the body. Some of the driveshaft bolts were REALLY rusty, so I figgered I would just blow them off with the torch. I had my brother stand by with the fire extinguisher, as there was an insulating panel right above the trans, and I did not want to sacrifice the car to the gods of fire. Well, the first three bolts took a little time, and my brother got bored, and went off to play with something else, as I was under the car, I was not in a position to notice this. The fourth bolt was a real bummer to get to, and not surprisingly, the insulator caught fire. So, I simply said "fire", and expected to be greeted by a blast from the CO2 fire extinguisher. Imagine my surprise when nothing happened... So, I said "FIRE" a little louder. Hhhhhmmm, still nothing, and the fire was by now enthusiastically consuming the insulator, and rapidly moving on to other quite flammable things. (my coveralls, for instance....) So, being the calm, relaxed, unflappable person I am, I SCREAMED at the top my lungs "FIRE"!!!!!!!! and was shortly greeted by a muffled "oh sh*t" and a blast from the fire extinguisher, which put out the fire on the insulator, and, thankfully, me, as well.

On another occasion, I was working on the exhaust on my 77 Caprice. I had the car up on ramps, and was trying to get the pipes to line up right, so I was half under the car. To my great surprise, the ramps (yes, BOTH of them) collapsed. (they were supposedly rated for 1500 pounds, each) Well, there I was, trapped under the car, the framerail compressing my chest so I could barely breathe, and certainly not yell. No one was home, and not expected for quite some time. I was quite effectively trapped. Three of the longest hours of my life later, my wife (at the time) came home, started dinner, and wondered where I was. She finally came out to the garage, so my legs sticking out from under the car, and politely asked if I was going to come in for dinner. I managed to gasp out "jack", and she got the clue. I ended up with a VERY bruised chest, and about 20 pounds of scrap metal the used to be my ramps. Since then, I have NEVER used ramps again. Jackstands. Rated for at least 200% of the weight I expect then to hold.

TMX

I had just finished replacing the clutch in my '74 and dropped it down off the lift to check the initial adjustment. I fired the car up, popped into first, and slowly released the clutch to see where it grabbed, rolling the car forward about a foot or so in the process. Just then, someone stopped by the shop and we ended up BSing over several beers for an hour or so. When I finally got back to work, I put the car back up in the air, completely forgetting to roll it back into place or check the lift position on the frame. The car got about six feet in the air before falling right off the front of the lift, landing on and completely crushing a brand new battery charger. Better it than me, I suppose......

Surprisingly, the car sustained very little damage save for a bashed in rear floorpan, gouged front bumper and cracked lower valance. That was 1983, and I've never drank or caught any other sort of buzz while working on a car since.

-Bob

SBlackfoot

Wow this is an old thread... But I do have a recent idiotic moment. I kinda lost a fight with my truck.

Lying on the ground beside my truck, bolting up a new (to me) trailer hitch with my trusty 1/2" ratchet. I had just taken my safety goggles off since nothing could fall in my eyes when I'm not actually under lil Rusty here. I had my right hand pulling on a wrench around on the inside of my c-channel framerail, and my left hand pulling on the ratchet with all of my might, on a bolt on the bottom of the frame. The ratchet slipped off of the bolt sending the ratchet (and my hand) flying, NAILING me right square in the eye. Holy CRAP that hurt and I had the black eye to prove it.

I'm just glad it didn't hit me in the mouth (that would've been messy) but it sure did hurt. I spent a good few minutes on the ground trying to figure out what the hell just happened. It would've been hilarious to anyone else but me.

83ho86tpi

Good stuff

I ruined a pair of $150 moroso valve covers on a customers car at a friends shop. He was working on the motor and made a big deal about the valve covers and how much they cost the customer. I decided to give him a scare with the alternator power wire, so I unhooked the battery to be safe when he was not looking. Just then lunch was there so we ate. After lunch I went to play the joke on him. I waved the alternator wire around like I was going to hit the valve covers. It was funny till I swiped one of the valve covers and it lit up, leaving a 3 inch burn mark on the cover. Unfortunatley he finished lunch first and had hooked the battery back up before I came back in the shop.

His revenge was to spray carb cleaner up my shirtsleve into my armpit when I was on the floor working on a car. That stuff lasts and burns bad there!

So I got him back a few weeks later. THere is a restroom in his shop and he allways runs in and out and does not even close the door. I waited till he was in there and just started #1 then threw a string of 12 firecrackers in there to scare him. THere was whizz all over the place.

And the list goes on, I dont encourage this behaivior, its only funny till it happens to you.

Oh yeah, I was using a new advanced timing light for the first time on my old 83 TA after I put a 350 in it, it was a automatic. I got base timing set with the car at idle in drive with the wheel blocked. I then set the gun to 2k rpm and pulled the throttle under the hood.... oops I forgot to put it back in park. The car laid rubber and launched. I was pulled up along with the car, bounced off the fender and almost decapitated by the hood, I wound up getting tossed onto the floor all in like 1 second. When I got up I saw the front of the car had busted all the way through the garage wall and there was drywall everywhere. It cracked a wooden support beam in the wall in half and it had knocked the clothes dryer in the other room like a foot out of place. I was amazed my upper body was ok but could not understand why my hip hurt so bad..... untill I saw the huge dent in the fender from my hip slamming into it.

orangetang

Ouch! My timing light wires ALMOST foudn their way into the serpentine system the other day... Lets call that one of my worst...

I suppose the best I have witnessed would be a guy in my commerical aviation program this year driving to the airport on a steel rim... Now, this guy isn't completely "all there" upstairs, or so it seems, yet he flies birds with the rest of us.... Anyway, he had a flat tire the night before, and rather than putting on a spare, he CUT the tire off the rim and decided he'd just drive on it in the morning... Anyone been to Kelowna BC? This guy lives in the middle of Westbank, drove all the way down the highway tot he bridge, across the bridge (steel decking must have been interesting), all the way down Harvey through the middle of Kelowna and out to the airport ont he other side of town... the whole time smoke and sparks were clearly visible by several people who phoned local authorities before they caught up with him at the airport... The funny part is how he walked inside, sat down at his seat and started to read some notes for the upcoming exam as if nothing was out of the ordinary.... Until 3 RCMP cruisers showed up anyway. Even afterward he didnt' really see the harm in it.... The car did though, I can't find any pics, but he was down to the drum.

People and the things they do...

BTW, I have my Commercial Flight Exam at 7am, so wish me luck I havn't gotten up before 11am in over 2 weeks.

Magman

iTrader: (6)

So I’m in the Navy and work around a lot of Filipino’s, my wife is also half Filipino. These are some very superstitious folks. After I married her, she moved out of mom and dads house and I moved out of the barracks into our furnished apartment. On move in day, my wife and her mother start throwing **** and salt around our living room to protect from evil spirits or some thing?? I got a little upset cause I didn’t even own a vacuum cleaner yet. Anyway, my limited experience with them is they’re very superstitous.
So one day my wife and I pull into the base gas station to fill up my 2nd gen Z-28. I get out, proceed to the back of my car to “fill er up” when a Chief Petty Officer (Filipino) yells at me from a few stalls over. He got my attention fast as he yelled “ NO, NO, NO! Bad Luck Man, no use! I stopped in my tracks (smiled cause I knew this was going to be interesting) and gave my smartass reply… “You mean to tell me if I use this pump I’m going to have Bad Luck?” He shook his head furiuosly and said it again “ NO, NO, NO! Bad Luck Man, no use, BAD Luck!” So I went back and forth with him a couple more times with cocky remarks ( I was 19) and a ****ty smirk on my face and eventually told him “OK, I got it…I’m gonna have bad luck if I use this pump! Well I’m feeling lucky today and I’m going to use it anyway!” He stood there with a sly grin on his face as he waved his hands in frustration and watched as I reached for the nozzle. To my amazement the fuel nozzle wouldn’t move! I looked down and immediately saw what he had been yelling about. It had a damn padlock on it!!! I looked over at my wife and she was in tears by now from laughing so hard. He gave a few chuckles and said “I tell you that”. Well, I hung my head and took my car to a different pump as I even started to laugh now.

83ho86tpi

oh yeah, I guess I will admit to this one too.

Tried to change a starter and forgot to unhook the battery. I did not have any trouble till I unbolted the starter all the way and tried to pull it out. Thats when the live wires touched metal and the fireworks began. I was under the car and 1/2 blinded by the light show, trying to move the starter or wires out of the way and not get zapped. After almost 10 seconds of hot sparks hitting me, I finally managed to yank the starter out in a panic and dropped it on my chest. That one hurt real bad.

Dirtbik3r

Ok, this story has the potential to be a funny one...

I'm working on my friends blazer one afternoon to help him replace his muffler. Now, keep in mind I can stand clear under this SUV because I have a 4pt lift. Well... that damn exhaust flange bolt would not budge. I tried the breaker bar and the impact wrench. Both didn't budge it. So, I got the bright idea to take the visegrip and get a steady grip on the bolt. The vice grip is firmly sticking out 6.5 feet in the air parrallel to the hard concrete floor. I tried hanging on it and still couldn't budge the damn nut. My next move was to hold the vice grip with both of my hands and try to use my feet to push off the bottom of the car. Well, that was a mistake, especially weighing over 200lbs at the time. The nut broke loose and I went flying towards the ground, landing on my back. Ouch that hurt. My friend is standing right next to me laughing his *** off. I'm frozen on the ground in pain. I'll never do that again!!!

VILeninDM

This stuff is hilarious. I've been reading this thread for 2 days now

I am still relatively new to car myself. Started working on my camaro last spring, and last fall bought 100-dollar integra just to repair and keep it running as long as I can.

1) When I was a kid (12-13), I was hanging around while my father was helping a friend change the oil (or something like that). They drove the car into the garage on top of 2 metal ramps and then for safety made sure rear wheels where blocked. Well, when they were done with everything, my father's friend gets into the car and tries to back out. At first the car is not moving, so he gives it a little (or little too much) gas and next thing we know, one of the ramps shoots from under one of the front tires, misses my dads head by 1-2 feet and hits the garage wall cracking the cinder block. Yeah, my dad was kinda pale for a little while. At least they did a pretty good job making sure rear wheels were blocked.

2) when changing a fuel pump (external), don't get directly under it if you are looking for more leverage. If you already did that, at least try to turn your head in time as gasoline starts pooring all over you. I've covered myself in oil, antifreeze and BBQ sauce (not with a car, but there was a lot of sauce), but that time was definitely not pleasant. I was washing my eyes for at least 20 minutes.

3) removing balancer/dampner off a neons crankshaft you have to thread in a long bolt into the crankshaft, then use the gear puller, grab the pulley and push against that bolt. Thing to remember is that periodically you have to release the puller and unthread the bolt farther so the balancer doesn't rest against it as it is being pulled of.

That balancer was sitting there tight and you really had to push on the wrechet to get it moving, well I got into it and completely forgot about the bolt, next thing I know cheap HF gear puller explodes into 5 pieces, my friend jumps back and covers his eyes and my fist smashes into concrete with full force. It hurt so much, that I didn't even feel the pain at first. I got up and he was trying to figure out if I was ok, and then all that pain finally shot to my brain, I actually had to lean against the car because couldn't even stand. I think I was close to passing out. I have no idea how nothing got broken, just had some swelling.

Lesson: never pull things without safety glasses

bjordan

My Stupidity:

I didn't know much about my new wife's car, and the transmission started acting up a little because the ATF had leaked low. So we poured some in. The level didn't go up, so we poured more in... finally, after about 3qts we decide to drive over to ask my father. The engine starts smoking like crazy.

Dad: Where did you put it?
Me: (points to the oil cap)
Dad: You put it in THERE?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Congrats, you just filled your engine with ATF. Should be nice and clean now.

Someone else's stupidity:

In about '92 or so, a radiator hose on my pickup BLEW near grandma's house in Palmdale CA and sprayed coolant all over the windshield at about 85 mph on highway 14. I had no tools, but I managed to replace the hoses with a rusty screwdriver from Grandma's junk drawer, but now I see it's leaking from the water pump. I shake the fan blade: THUNK THUNK THUNK.

This is Friday afternoon. I limp over to PEP BOYS, walk into the service department and say "Hi, I need my water pump replaced." Guy at the counter says I have to get a "cooling system inspection" and if it needs a water pump, the price of the inspection will go towards the repair. So I say "do what you have to do, just fix my water pump."

Friday evening: Call PEP BOYS, nothing has been done.
Saturday: Throughout the day, call PEP BOYS repeatedly, and finally learn at about 5PM that they looked at my truck, and it had a "small leak from a radiator hose."

Me: What's your name?
Steve: Steve
Me: Steve, please go outside and feel my fan blade.
Steve: OK, hold on........................
Steve: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Steve: You need a new water pump.

PEP BOYS did a "cooling system inspection" and didn't notice that the water pump was totally shot?! Actually, I don't know if it was a "moment of stupidity", or just violent incompetence.

84taowner

I guess I will contribute one, even if it really doesnt include a GM based vehicle. I started a project of swaping out a V6 engine in a Ford Ranger for a more productive 5.0 H.O V8. Near the end of this project I was changing the oil since the motor had been broken in. On these types of swaps you have to have a kit that relocates the oil filter because there is frame rail/steering box clearance issues. Apparantly I forgot to finish tightning one of the clamps and got a face full of hot *** oil about 1 min after the motor was running.

duz

great thread. i was trying to do intake swap. well i had never ever took anything off a motor before. ever. i knew that i had to drain the coolant from the intake manifold but from where? i could not find the plug in the rad after looking for about 2 seconds. i didnt have a jack/stands handy. so screw it. i took a 2 litre coke bottle and proceeded to attempt to syphen the coolant out of the intake manifold into this coke bottle. from the thermostat housing. you can imagine how thourough that was. i crack the bolts loose on the manifold and pull up. all i hear is "drizzle.... sploosh!"... wow i must be good syphener, cause the manifold was pretty empty when i pried it off.

orangetang, i have family in peachland and i follow your story quite well.

HalfInchWrench

Not mine but a damn fine story none the less.....


If you ask a lot of people what the stupidest thing they ever did in their life was, most people are going to have to stop and think about it. Some people won't know.

For me, it's easy. As a matter of fact I could probably list one through ten without much thought. Let me tell about number one.

I live on a farm 20 minutes north of town. It was a weekday night in February 1998. It had begun to snow in that sad sickly way that starts with freezing rain. There were important things going on at the office the next day and more snow forecast, so I planned on driving my 1979 Chevy 4WD.

This truck is equipped with a plow.

The hydraulic lift on the plow has a leak.

Driving this truck in the best of conditions ain't exactly easy. It used to be an automatic, now it has a Ford 3 speed manual jury-rigged into it. The clutch mostly works, and it sways like a drunk over the slightest bump. With a plow on the front, it's as scary as hell. Not only does it catch all the wind, and push you around, but the leaky hydraulics mean that at any moment the plow could fall down and catch pavement at 60 mph. I call this effect "unintentional braking."

To avoid this, I decided to load the plow (all 300 pounds of it) into the back of the truck. No weird aerodynamics and the added weight would give me stability.

In the driveway I unhooked the plow, turned the truck around and backed it up for easy loading. I tilted the plow face down so the open end was on the ground and started to lift one side. In spite of the slippery conditions I got one end into the bed of the truck.

At this point in time I went around to the other side of the plow and performed the single stupidest act of my entire life.

Anybody who knows how to walk will understand that the only thing that kept the plow from sliding off the truck was the friction of it's edge against the blacktop. As soon as I lifted there was no more friction.

With almost casual disdain the plow slid off the truck, pushed me over backwards and pinned me against the driveway, covering my entire body neatly in the concave space between plow and blacktop. From tips of toes to shoulders I was pinned. Though unhurt I coldn't move.

I laid there face up to the freezing rain which produced a maddening itch on my nose. For 20 minutes or so I was able to reflect on my stupidity, and idly wonder if it was going to finally kill me. The pressure was such that I couldn't even wriggle. All I could do was murmmer "...help," while the dogs watched me disinterestedly.

Finally my wife came out to see what I was doing. After 3 years of trying we had just learned she was pregnant.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"....help," I said.

"What are you doing?"

"....help,"


"Are you stuck?"


"...."

"How did you do that?"


"....help,"

"I can't move that. How'd you get under there?"


"Urrrgh,"

"I'll go see if Woody's home."

"...hurry,"

Walking carefully across the ice she goes up to the house and futzes around for a few minutes, before getting in her car to get the neighbor.

I stare at the rain.

Five mintues later she comes back.

"There's nobody home, but I called 911. Somebody's coming."

"...please,...help," It's hard to breathe now. My legs and arms have pins and needles in them, I feel sleepy.

"This is your own fault. How did you get under there?" She studies me for a moment, and for the first time looks concerned. "I'll be right back."

She goes into the garage and returns with a tow chain. She hooks one end to the plow hookup and the other to the truck hitch.

"I'm gonna pull it off you."

"...ok."

She gets in the truck, puts it in gear, and drags the plow ten feet down the driveway.

The problem is I'm still under it, just worse for wear for having been dragged 10 feet under a 300 pound plow.

"Are you okay?"

"...ow,"

"You're really stuck. I don't know what to do."

"...help."

At this point, and I swear this is true, my wife comes up with an idea.

"Your heads still sticking out. I could tie your head to a tree or something with a rope so you won't get dragged, and pull the plow off."

My teeth are tingling now, and the whole thing seems kind of silly. It's hard to breathe, and even the rain doesn't bother me.

A short time later, probably no more than a few minutes, suddenly I can breathe. Then there's pain as the full weight of the plow settles back on me. It wakes me up to full alertness. I realize that there's an excellent chance I'm about to die.

"I can't go any higher. It slides."

My wife has placed the truck jack by my shoulder and lifted the plow a few inches before it slid again.

"Don't do that." I say. "It hurts."

"Shut up."

She leaves, and comes right back. She starts with the jack again.

"don't..."

"Shut the **** up!" she says. She never curses.

She jacks the plow up a little, and props scrap wood she got from the garage on the edges. She goes to the other end of the plow and jacks it up.

"Get out."

I try to wriggle and push but I can't get any purchase.

"Now!"

"I can't"

She comes over, sits behind me, puts her feet on the plow and grabs my head. She pulls, I wriggle, and little by little I come free. It took the Fire Department another 10 minutes to get there.

NoItsNotForSale

iTrader: (1)

One day I went to pull a bumper cover at a junkyard like I have dozens of times. I laid down and started pulling out the clips when a hoard of wasps came right down on me. I was stung 13 times on my face neck and arms. That sucked bad!

HalfInchWrench

Part II

The number two most stupid thing I ever did was remarkably similar.

I bought a motorcycle.

It was a street bike, but I liked to ride it around the fields, without a helmet, ...real fast.

My wife said I would wreck and kill myself.

She was walking up from the fields while I was riding around, as I was passing her up the path (no more than 15 mph) the dog spooked in fornt of the motorcycle.

I swerved and gently laid the motorcycle on its side to avoid hitting our dog. When the footpeg touched the ground, the motorcycle flipped with me on it. It landed on to od me, still running.


"I told you you'd kill yourself riding that thing, don't expect me to feel sorry for you!"

"Arrrgh!" The motorcycle was still running, the chain cutting into my leg in a whimsical manner, the tailpipe trying to make a medium rare roast beef out of my thigh.

"Help, turn it off!"

"It's your own fault. Help yourself. I knew it would happen."

Finally I shut the motorcycle off. I start trying to push it off me, but only succeed in rocking. Each time I do, a rock digs into my back. My wife starts giggling.

"I promise I'm going to kill you."

She starts laughing.

"Please help me. I'm bleeding. I hurt my knee. The pipe is burning me. Please."


Now she really starts giggling.

"You're trying trick me. Yo said you'd kill me. If I get near you, you'll grab me."

"No I won't. I was just kidding when I said I'd kill you."

"You weren't kidding. You're gonna kill me."

"YES! IF YOU DON't &^^&ING HELP ME GET THIS ***&*$#M &*$%ING THING OFF ME I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!"

She starts giggling uncontrollably.

"AAARRRRRRGGGGGH!!!" With a Herculean effort, I push the bike up enough to extricate myself.

My wife runs away laughing.

I limp up to the house grimly after her, like Jack Nicholson in _The Shining_

HalfInchWrench

Cars use fiire extringuishers right? This is one of the funniest stories I have ever read This is about fe's?.....


The night I met the Gorilla sticks out in my mind, when it comes to cooking stories.

I'd met his roommate, Max, at the place I worked at the time, and Max had suggested we all get together for dinner. He mentioned that his roommate would make dinner, and since everyone had heard about my insane videotape collection, perhaps I could bring some videos?

It sounded good to me. About then... the phone rang.

I picked it up. A crazy high pitched voice screamed and jibbered at me. I recognized Max's name though. "It's for you... I think," I said, handing Max the phone.

Max looked at me funny, and took the phone. He listened for a minute, and his face showed shock. "Holy CRAP!" he cried. "That was Gorilla! My house is on fire! We've got to get over there, NOW!"

And Max ran out the door.

I followed, stopping to lock the front door, and to ponder why Max had a gorilla, and how it had gotten my phone number.

We ran through the darkened evening streets. In the distance, I heard sirens, of fire engines to come. Max was a skinny little bugger, and I had to run hard to keep him in sight. Fortunately, he didn't live more than a few blocks from my place. He ran into a complex of apartment buildings, and into a little breezeway between two buildings... and stopped cold.

When I caught up with him, I saw why. The pavement was covered with broken glass. This one apartment faced into the breezeway, and the two large windows flanking the front door had blown out. Max stood there in shock. Plainly, this was his apartment. Cautiously, I stepped into the breezeway. The front door was standing wide open, which may have saved it from being blasted off the hinges.

About then, a hairy man wearing a towel ran out into the breezeway. "Max!" he cried. "It's okay! It's all right! I-- YEAAARGH!"

Seizing his foot, he hopped backwards into the apartment. He was barefoot. I guess he hadn't noticed all the broken glass.

Max and I cautiously stepped forward, and peered into the open window. The apartment did not appear to be on fire. Nothing was burning. There were no soot marks or black smears, or anything to indicate that it had been on fire. I noticed the aquarium sitting on the breakfast bar was shattered, though. I also didn't see any gorilla. I did smell a strong odor of burnt hair, though. Was that it? Had they been meaning to serve the gorilla for dinner, and it had somehow managed to escape? That still didn't explain how it had gotten my phone number, though...

Meanwhile, the hairy man continued to hop around the living room holding his foot. His towel fell off. He was naked. He fell down behind the couch, and I saw him no longer.

About then, the fire department showed up. It seems someone had reported a fire. Did we know anything about it?

Max and I couldn't tell them anything.

About then, the hairy man emerged from behind the couch, firmly wrapped in his towel again, and limping slightly. Yes, he was the one who'd reported the fire. He was also the one who'd called my house.

Meanwhile, the firemen, in full firefighting gear, had spread through the apartment, looking for signs of fire. One noticed that one wall of the kitchen had scorch marks on it. He also noticed a twisted cylindrical thing on the kitchen floor. It looked like an exploded bombshell to me. What the %$#@ HAD these crazy people been meaning to serve me for supper?

About then, the hairy man began to explain himself... and the story fell into place:
****************************************************
Gorilla had set up a dinner date with his girlfriend and his roommate that evening. His roommate had mentioned that he worked with this guy who had every videotape ever released, and what say we invite him, and ask him to bring some videos? Gorilla was agreeable, and Max had set out on foot to my place. Meanwhile, Gorilla had showered, and begun dinner.

Dinner was a sort of open faced sandwich thing with chicken breasts and molten mozzerella that Gorilla called "Atomic Chicken". It involved careful baking at medium temperatures. Gorilla was running back and forth between the kitchen and the bathroom, dressed only in his Fruit Of The Looms, trying to get cleaned and shaved and coiffed and make dinner at the same time. At one point, he was shaving himself by the reflection in the chrome parts of the stove. Kitchen utensils and hygiene supplies were scattered throughout the kitchen. He put on a pot of green beans to cook, and then went back to the bathroom to find his toothbrush.

While he was in there, he heard an explosion in the kitchen.

He ran back in... to find the kitchen in flames.

The entire north wall was ablaze. The stove was wrapped in flame. The kitchen was an inferno.

Gorilla stood there, goggling at it. What the ****? He'd only been gone two seconds. How the hell does a fire this huge start in two seconds?

About then, a tiny part of his mind interrupted his ponderings to point out that his house was on fire, and to suggest that he do something about it.

Um... okay. How does one put a fire out? Water! You put water on it!

Gorilla ran to the sink, and turned on the water. It ran ineffectually out of the faucet into the sink. He began grabbing handfuls of it and throwing it at the burning wall. It didn't seem to do much good. Was the fire SPREADING? Man, this wasn't WORKING! How ELSE did one put out a fire?

Um... well... you BEAT it out!

Gorilla ran to the wall and began slapping at it. VERY briefly. He then jerked back sharply to blow on his newly hairless knuckles to cool them. Plainly, barehanded wasn't going to work. What else was there to beat the fire out with? He cast around him for a dishtowel, a blanket, SOMETHING--

Nothing.

Desperate, he yanked off his tighty whities and frantically began trying to beat the fire out with them. He whacked the fire three or four times without much visible affect. On the fifth swing, he realized that his underwear was on fire, and let go of them to keep from getting burned.

After that, he decided to just stop doing anything and stand there and scream for a while. After several good screams, he felt a little better, but his house was still on fire, and now he was naked.

What else did one do when the house was on fire?

CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!

He ran into the living room, grabbed the phone, and dialed 911, and yammered his address into it, adding "FIRE! FIRE! HAAAALLLPPP!!! before he slammed the phone down again. About then, it occurred to him that perhaps he should tell his roommate about this. He saw, on the notepad next to the phone, "Am at Doc's, 555-6431", so he called my place, and screamed at Max that the house was on fire.

Oddly enough, having successfully DONE something about it, he felt better, and lit a cigarette, and waited for the fire department to arrive. He took a drag, and glanced into the burning kitchen.

...and realized that he was sitting on his butt, naked, in a burning house. He was in actual physical danger.

His mouth dropped open, and his cigarette fell out of it.

Into his crotch.

I should probably point out that Gorilla was so rattled he hadn't hung up the phone. Max was still standing there, listening to nothing. Suddenly, Gorilla began screaming, and Max was convinced that his roommate and bosom buddy was burning to death, and that's when Max shouted at me and pelted out my front door.

Well, yeah, Gorilla WAS burning alive, just not quite the way Max thought.

Meanwhile, Gorilla had retrieved his smoke, and ran again into the burning kitchen. What the hell? What to do? It would take the fire department too LONG, what was he going to DO--

...and his eyes fell upon the fire extinguisher hanging in its little bracket, next to the stove.

I wasn't there, of course. I can only imagine the look on Gorilla's face. It must have looked exactly like in the movie Army Of Darkness, where Ash is facing the horrible undead monster in the pit... and suddenly, someone throws him his chainsaw.

Gorilla seized the fire extinguisher with alacrity... and burned himself on the hot metal. It hadn't been IN the fire, but close enough long enough to heat up significantly. He dropped it.

It landed on his toe.

He hopped around screaming and cursing for a few seconds, all the time he could afford, and then grabbed the thing again. It was still too hot, but by Ghod, he was going to put the fire out. He grabbed the handle, aimed it at the fire, and squeezed the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He squeezed again. Nothing.

After that, he went a little nuts, and began beating the extinguisher against the burning wall, weeping and crying and screaming and cursing the evil rotten appliance that had so failed him and refused to put out the fire.

About then, he noticed that there was a tag hanging on the extinguisher. Of COURSE! Read the INSTRUCTIONS! He quickly backed away from the fire, and took the tag in hand to read it.

The tag was on fire.

Screaming and howling, he tore the tag away and slapped out the flames. Too late. It was unreadable.

At that point, he jumped up and down screaming, ready to break the damn extinguisher over SOMETHING--

--when he noticed the little ring/pin thingy sticking out of the trigger assembly. It was intended to prevent accidental discharge. Gorilla immediately slipped a finger through the ring and yanked--

--and it stopped. It was held onto the extinguisher by a little plastic loop, the same one the tag had been hanging on.

Gorilla yanked again, HARD. Nothing. It was too tough. It wouldn't give or break.

Screaming and shrieking and howling like the damned, Bob PULLED--

--and the cord broke. The ring came free. Gorilla flung it across the room. The extinguisher was in hand now. The pin was gone. NOTHING would stop him from raining foamy death upon the enemy flames! And Gorilla spun around to face the burning wall and squeezed the trigger--

...the wall wasn't on fire.

Gorilla let go of the trigger. He stood there and goggled.

The wall was not on fire.

Gorilla stood there some more. He stared. The wall was not on fire. The wall HAD BEEN on fire, but now was NOT. What the hell was this? How does a fire go from nothing to Firestorm in two seconds, and then from Inferno to nonexistence in two seconds? The wall wasn't charred. Nothing seemed damaged.

Had... had there actually BEEN any fire? Was Gorilla losing his MIND?

He stepped forward ... cautiously... and put his hand on the wall.

The wall was hot, hotter than it should have been, but not so hot that you'd think it had been burning. Hey, there were scorch marks, up near the ceiling! Gorilla felt the stove, and nearly burned himself on the hot metal.

Plainly, the wall HAD BEEN on fire... but now ... was NOT.

A flicker of flame caught his attention! Dammit, the evil sneaky rotten fire had MOVED! It had OUTFLANKED HIM! He spun around, extinguisher at the ready!

A thin tailing of smoke and the stench of burnt vinyl flooring rose from a little white mound. Gorilla's underwear was still on fire, where he had dropped them. Gorilla pointed the extinguisher, squeezed the trigger. The extinguisher worked fine, and killed the little flame immediately.

About then, he heard sirens, and someone screaming his name, nearby. Gorilla abruptly remembered that he was naked. He ran into the bathroom, to get a towel...

...and that was where we came in.

The firemen were mystified. The wall did have scorch marks, and SOMETHING, some sort of sudden thermal effect, had blown out the windows and shattered the aquarium... but what the heck was it? The firemen were quite knowledgeable about house fires, arson, and such. They knew any NUMBER of things that would cause a wall to burst into flames suddenly... but NONE that would suddenly vanish, leaving only traces of scorch instead of total destruction. What the hell?

About then, one of the firemen picked up the exploded bombshell looking thing. He looked it over, and then called Gorilla over.

It had once been a can of hair spray. "Where did you leave this last, before the explosion?" the fire chief asked.

Turned out he'd been doing his hair and shaving, all at the same time, right there on the stove, in the reflection off the chrome. He'd left the hairspray right on top of the stove. It had heated up and exploded, hosing the entire stove and the wall with wet hairspray, which had then ignited off the heat from the burner with the saucepan on it.

Fortunately, this particular brand hairspray didn't BURN real hot, apparently. It hadn't ignited the ceiling (although it had scorched it pretty well) or the drywall. The only things it really COULD ignite were flammables like clothing and paper... and when the fuel had burned out, the fire had simply vanished. Luckily for Gorilla.

The fire marshal gave Gorilla a nasty lecture about flammables and kitchen appliances. Gorilla stood there, head bobbing, yes-sir-no-sir-three-bags-full-sir, and took it. Max and I examined the rest of the apartment. Max mourned the loss of his beloved fish. Finally, the firemen left.

Gorilla staggered to the couch and lit another cigarette, to steady his shattered nerves. Max and I sat down with him. Man, what a night...

About then, a sort of thin, distant, grinding, shrieking noise was heard from the kitchen.

Gorilla about had a conniption fit, right there. WHAT THE HELL NOW?!?!

I leaped to my feet, ready to flee. This place was DANGEROUS!!!

Max leaped to his feet, too... but then walked into the kitchen, toward the source of the sound.

It was the somewhat melted, damaged but still functional, kitchen timer.

Dinner was ready.

Dirtbik3r

This guy should get the longest post award!!!

sp63

OMFG I DID THE SAME THING THE OTHER DAY. repalced the CTS on my 92 305 when i thought it had cooled down enough, i loosened it then spun it loose with my hand BOOM it shot straight up with a billion gallons of water flying out everywhere. burned the **** out my arm/hand. it was still steaming when i made it inside to the bathtub.

Cyfun

A few years ago, right after I bought my fixer-upper '68 Mustang, I had to replace the fuel tank float. The sending unit is pretty easy to get to: right in the bottom front of the tank, and it sealed with one of those big circular rings that you have to tap in place with a screwdriver and hammer. After a few weeks, I noticed a fuel leak that kept getting worse and worse, and of course, it was coming from around that sending unit. The tank appeared to be pretty close to empty, but there was actually still several gallons of fuel left. I didn't realize this until I hammered the ring around and it started leaking everywhere quite badly. I hurriedly reseated the little circular rubber seal, which was pretty far out of its groove, and then proceeded to hammer the ring back into place, with gas covering the ring, the ground, and my arms and upper body. Once it was back in place, there was no more leak, but I never really thought about how dangerous it was until several days later.

Another time, in my black '84 Firebird, I was trying to diagnose a loud whirring noise, and I was suspecting the alternator, but it was hard to be sure. I got the bright idea to remove the alternator belt, and drive around a bit to see if the noise went away. I failed to notice that the same belt also turned the water pump. I was about 6 blocks away before I smelled that sweet smell of antifreeze, and a quick glance to the temp guage confirmed my suspicions. Luckily, it was a steady downhill back home, so I made a quick U-turn, and then turned off the engine and coasted about a quarter mile back to my driveway.

In addition, there have been numerous occasions where I confused my Mustang, BMW, and Firebirds for actual offroad vehicles. The last time, we'd just had a really wet snow, and I was gonna take my buddy out for a little drifting at the fairgrounds parking lot in my current car, an '83 Trans Am. It had quit snowing, and the ground was a little slick, but mainly just slushy and wet. I had just bought new rims and tires for the car that day, but since I wanted as little traction as possible in the back for drifting, I remounted my old tires, which were almost completely bald. We were cruising down this road that goes past the airport, in a zone that is normally 55mph, and the only other vehicle on the road was this newer SUV right in front of me that wasn't going more than 20mph. There was this service road that ran parallel to the airport road about 15 feet away, and I got the great idea to pass this guy on the dirt road rather then just veer left and zip around. I could have sworn that the road was normally gravel, and which would have given me decent traction in the snow, but alas, it was solid clay dirt. I got about 15 feet in before I was horribly stuck, and had made some good trenches in the process. We had no tools to assist us, and no amount of digging and pushing would budge the car. After screwing around for maybe 30 minutes, we gave in and called our buddy Joe's girlfriend, who has a pretty new Jeep Cherokee. This was around 2am, mind you, and my car was low on gas, so I only would let the car run with the heater on for 5 minute durations. Joe and his GF had to run to a gas station to get a tow rope, so it ended up taking them about an hour to get there. We attached the tow rope easily to my rearend, but we could not for the life of us find a suitable place to hook the rope to her frikking Jeep! The owners manual indicated that there are two convienently placed tow hooks under the front bumper, but no amount of looking cound find them. At around 3:45am, we finally threw in the towel and had them give us a ride back home. The only person I could get ahold of to pull me out of the mud didn't get off work until 5pm the next day, so my car sat in this mud pit all day long while a large amount of traffic drove past and I'm sure got some good laughs out of it. When my buddy, Steve, finally made it out in his Jeep Wrangler, he of course left the Jeep in 2wd just so he could spray my car with lots and lots of mud, but did of course get it out. I never did wash the car, because I found it to be highly imusing, especially when pulling up to a brand new H2 at a stop light and challenging the driver to an offroad race. Pictures of the car, which was called the DirtyBird for several months, are available here and here. A few weeks later, I installed a limited-slip rearend (pic), so that the next time I tried something stupid like that, I'd be more likely to get away with it.

unklechuckles19

I realize this is an older post, but holy crap reading through these things is the best entertainment I've had in a long time.

My one word of advice, when you decide you want your exhaust louder...dont just cut it off.

ChevyGuy87

One of the guys I work with has a '74 Cuda with a 440. We put in a new cam, put some headers on, fixed all the wiring. I was in charge of doing most of the cam swap. Never having worked on a 440 before I asked him if the distributor turned clockwise or counterclockwise. He scratched his head, looked at the motor, and said clockwise. Ran the wires, got it all set to run, pushed it out of the shop so we wouldn't scare off the customers in the showroom, and hit the key. I have never seen flames shoot out of the carb so high before. Played with the timing for all of the lunch break, nothing but fireballs.

Tried again after work, same thing. Since Chrysler big blocks have non-adjustable valvetrains, I was concerned that the valves were hanging open with the much larger cam. Owner of the Cuda was concerned that his wallet was going to be considerably lighter if that was the case. Popped off distributor cap to double check the direction the rotor turns. Watched it turn the opposite direction of the way the wires were routed. Swapped them around, fired up on first turn of the crank. Oops.

Couple weeks later on same Cuda, we were having drivability issues. So I brought in my recently purchased 650 double pumper to throw on to rule out the carb. Pulled it in during lunch break, working as fast as possible so we could take it out for a scream. Popped the rubber fuel line off of the carb immediately after shutting it down. I should mention that this vehicle is NOT equipped with a return fuel line. Lotsa pressure still built up. That was when I learned that eyeballs are magnets for pressurized gasoline shooting out of lines. That one stung a little.

Doing an alignment on a Dodge Ram, I was finishing up, and bending the locking tab on the steering adjuster back in place. Pushing it with my thumb. Wasn't paying attention. Have you ever had your thumbnail touch your wrist? Doesn't feel good.

Built the 350 in my old Trans Am by myself when I was 17. Extremely proud of myself when it fired up, as I didn't have anyone around to help me. Did it all alone. Unfortunately, that was also my downfall. I found out 174.5 miles later that the input shaft on a T5 likes to have a pilot bushing in the crank to avoid catastrophic transmission failure. On the bright side, I will never forget to install one EVER AGAIN.

I'm done embarassing myself for now.

dimented24x7

iTrader: (2)

Ever shut your finger in a heavy *** door of a thirdgen? I mean, like, totally shut the door all the way on your finger?

I did...

I went to shut the door of my car without remembering to pull my hand away before it closes. Next thing I know there is this blinding pain shooting out from my hand. I look down and I see that the door is shut and lined up with the quarter panel, with my pinky wedged between. Well, naturally the door is locked so frantically pulling on the handle does nothing. To make matters worse, I had put the keys in a backpack, so they arnt readily at hand. By now, I guess I was cursing loudly enough to draw over a spectator. She first looked perplexed. Next time I look over, she looks sort of horrified. I guess thats the first time shes ever witnessed a near DIY-amputation.

Ah finally, the keys. I fiddle with them for a bit and get the door open. What a mess. Skins all ripped up. Fingers a bit pancaked. Worse part is, with that sort of injury, it doesnt really start to hurt until the inflamation kicks in. After that, your finger turns into a plum shaped painful mess. Cant really go to the hospital, either, because the doctors would probably just want to cut it off.

Luckily, though, it healed, and if it wasnt for the crick I get every now and then, Id never know it ever happened.

grumpyvette

youll love this one!
(keep in mind we live WAY out in the sticks)

my buddy was installing a roll cage kit in his 1964 GTO, he broke the 3/8" drill bit he was using to cut the thru bolt holes to the backing plates, so he gets his 9mm glock out and marks the locations and punches the holes thru the floor pan with the pistol, it was several hours before he noticed the hole in the upper surface of the rear diff.
boy was he mad and he still takes crap from us about that screw up

chesterfield

we were pulling an engine from one car to put in another and we were doing it in a gravel driveway. the hoist wouldn't move with the weight of the motor so we figured we'd push one car under the hoist then roll it out and push the next one under. As soon as the engine cleared the engine comprtment the car started rolling back down the driveway and crashed into the fender of the car we were going to put the engine into.

someone should make this thread a stickey.

GuitarJunki17

iTrader: (1)

I think the stupidest thing I did was the day I got my car.

The previous owner Jerry-Rigged a switch to the radiator fan that you could turn on and off to make the fan go on and off...simple enough right? Well the problem is that there was not really a switch...just a wire going to the fuse box to a fuse labeled "BAT"..for battery I suppose...whatever (I found this out later)

Well, this means that every time you turn off hte car, you have to crawl under and take out this plug and every time you turn on the car, you have to crawl under and put it in. Well, I stopped by Wendys and got some food, and naturally, unplugged the wire. I get back into the car and realize, "damnit, what fuse did this wire go to". Now mind you, it is very dark at this point, and I am looking at these fuses with my cell phones backlight. I saw an open slot for IGNTN...or something like it...whatever it was, I thought it stood for "Ignition". Well, in my head I am thinking "why didn't this idiot plug it here, this obviously would make it so that the fan turns on when you start the car, I'm going to change it to this one". I plug it in and "POP!" : puff of smoke:

Damnit...there goes about 5 fuses...and I had to drive home the entire time with no gauges, no interior lights, and no turn signals with this annoying ringing noise...which i guess is the noise that lets you know that seventeen fuses are gone. Imagine driving for an hour with that noise that comes on when you shut your car off and you left the lights on...

Since then, I have actually made a switch that you flip on and off, so there is none of this crawling underneath the dash of your car everytime you turn it off thing.
----------
That is by far the most ghetto/******* thing I have ever heard in my entire life. You get the Iced-Out Platinum Coors award for that one.

Vortex91

This is an awesome post, HalfInchWrench that was just too funny with the plow.

Well, here goes my "idiot of the day" car story.

I was working on my wife's Celica trying to install one of those wiper springs that apply more pressure on the arm. For some reason,the spring wouldn't go over the arm so I decided to use a cheap made in China vise grip. So I turn the screw to tighten the grip and proceeded to grab the spring. All was fine until I realized that the skin of my palm was actually caught between the vise grip and its release lever. OK, no problem, I'll just push the release lever and it will let go, right? Wrong, the more I pushed the lever the more it hurt. Thanks to Chinese design and Quality Control, the stupid thing was actually bent out of shape and the lever was not pushing against the hump anymore to open the vise grip. Now imagine a guy bent over a Celica with no other tools around to undo the grip of stupidity.
After 5 minutes or so of screaming for help, hoping my wife would hear me I started examining my options - Nothing. More screaming, more moving around looking for tools causing more pain - nothing. Eventually I decided to stretch for another vise grip, it hurt like crazy but that was my only way out. With the second vise grip I loosened the screw on the first one and vise grip and set myself free just to have the spring I was trying to put over the wiper arm flying right into the windshield - two days later I had to put in a new windshield, a month later I got myself a nice Made in USA Irwin vise grip.
==============

1 - When putting back your caliper don't put your head right over it, as you tighten the bolts your wrench will come loose and your nose will be in its path as it travels towards your face at a hight speed, if it doesn't knock you out, you're one of the lucky ones.

2 - When you think your brakes feel kind of strange and you're driving down the mountain, pull over and see what's wrong, you will not have enough time to pump the pedal to stop the car in time.

3 - If it's winter and your car has no power even if you floor it, don't go to a garage, check your carb and if you see something black in there then odds are it's ice from the water in your gas. If you decided to go to a garage in the first place you should probably go back and ask for your money back because the 5 hours they spend on your car to fix your lose of power had nothing to to with fixing the problem - it was the carb warming up enough to melt the ice build up.

3 - Any season - if your car doesn't start even though you just drove it around the block (after you took it out of storage) check your gas, the gauge will say 1/4 of a tank but that doesn't help when you are in the middle of an intersection and all your neighbours are driving by - some of them will offer to help but you've already tried to jump start it.

4 - It is not OK to drive around when you smell gas inside.

5 - After you just spent $3K trying to fix poor idleing check your catalytic converter, it might be plugged.

josh_pete2001

I worked at a 4 wheeler dealership once upon a time, and I was putting a new exhaust for a customer, well while I was installing the head pipe someone asked me to help them for a second, so I come back and install the mid pipe and muffler. Well the wheeler ran like crap, and I couldnt figure it out. Make a long story short, I forgot to torque the head pipe to the cylinder making it not have enough back pressure.

My favorite story is when me and my enginuative friends decide to try our hand at a potato gun, got it all made, charged it with the fuel, ignited it, and this six inch end cap comes flying off hits the ground, bounces hits someones knee, ricocheted into my friends forhead, then slams into the back of the head of the kid who ignited it. It made a complete circle hitting us. Needless to say we were a little sheepish for about 5 minutes. Then after we had perfected our devices and felt like we knew how to do it, we couldnt get one to ignite, well my friend took off the cap, looked down the barrel, and yes... ignited it, I saw a fireball in his face and heard him screaming like a little girl. Luckily there was no debris in the tube and he was wearing hard contacts. His left eye had no eyebrow or eyelashes, it was pretty funny to joke about that afterwards, and after that we said the heck with this stuff.

1989karr

I'll add one.....I probably did some others that are funnier but this one comes to mind....

My friend works as a mechanic. One day a lady brought her car in and said that she thinks her gas gauge is broken because it showed that the tank was half way empty. My friend has to go check the car out, and what did he find????......the gas tank was indeed HALF empty. The recommendation my friend gave to the lady?? Fill up her gas tank lol

Sadly, it's a true story!

R4][N_M4l{3R

This is a quicke. Not really my fault, but yesterday I was driving down my street, and I really got on it, I was going 130 on the speedo, and my passenger side hood louver ripped off and went flying...

superGMman

I can attest to that, I cut my hand really deep after I picked up the Cam that saw 200k+ miles in my friends 71' Mach 1. Wasn't expecting that at all.

MavViper

iTrader: (1)

I wouldn't really call this idiocy but it's an interesting story to say the least.

A week ago tomorrow (Sat the 22nd) I bought an 88 Camaro from this one auto shop. He said the alternator was bad and also the trunk locking mechanism was bad, but he would replace them. He replaced the trunk mechanism and I had assumed he changed the alternator too. Well when I bought it there was no gas left and I just barely made it to the nearest gas station. It died on me three times on the way there mind you.

So I drive to a friends house and start cleaning it and stuff. Well it's time for me to go home so I take off in my new car. Get about halfway home and the car just dies. Wouldn't start at all. Turns out he hadn't replaced the alternator. So I call my buddy and he comes out like 30-45 min later to jump the car. I figure I can get back to his place. He jumps the car and I leave it there for bout 5 min. I turn around and get about 1 block before it dies. Jumps it again and I get maybe 10 feet and it dies. So I'm like, well I can't do this all the way back, it's a few miles. So we get this hairbrained idea that he would use his truck and just gently push me all the way back. The bumper of my Camaro matched up perfectly with his truck so it was plastic on plastic.

So he's basically gently bumping into my back bumper the whole way. Well with no battery and no power, steering is kinda hard and I don't really have brakes as there is no pressure. Here's where it got really scary. You see the road we were traveling on goes underneath a rail road crossing. I have to get enough speed to get up over the otherside, otherwise I'm in bad shape. So he gets right on my bumper and starts accelerating. I'm about 20-30 feet from this light and it turns yellow. No way I can stop at all so I run that red light. We approach the rail road crossing and I'm going about 40 mph right now with no steering and no brakes. I make it across and there's another light just on top of the hill. I'm freaking out because there are cars in front of me and I'm just hoping the light doesn't turn red otherwise I am fubared big time. Luckily it stayed green.

I only had to make 2 turns to get to his house, so steering wasn't too bad. Oh, and the kicker was since there wasn't any power and my windows were down, I couldn't put them up. And it's starting to rain. Not fun at all.

I went down to the guy the next day and told him what happened. He laughed at the situation (I wasn't too pissed). Because of it he let me take off the front bumper, alternator, air conditioning unit (for a friend of mine) and a bunch of other parts off this other Camaro that he was going to send to the junkyard. The stuff was in good condition and he gave it all to me for free. Not bad, given the cost of that stuff new.

357mag

Yep, There I was... December 1976... 1967 El Camino... needed a tank heater. Drained radiator, couldn't reach block drain with the starter in the way. Cussed some. Pulled starter, forgot to disconnect battery. Battery cable grounded out on brake line, burning a hole in same. Cussed some more. Took plug out of the block to drain the block. Appeared plug was broken off in the block. Stuck screwdriver in hole to see WTF. Sludge breaks loose dousing me with anti-frost. Now I have a puddle of AF under me. Cuss some more. Drop trouble light into puddle of AF. Get shocked. Grab frame, cuss some more. Dad finally hears me cussin', comes out and kills trouble lamp. ( this was before GFI breakers were required on exterior outlets.) Give up, borrow Dad's Ranchero to get beer and forget about Elko until next day.

Tim sends

spills

iTrader: (9)

I got a good one, just firgured it out too!

Swapped out my drummed 10 bolt with a disc'd 9 bolt. Put the wheels back on, wheels wont turn! I looked at the driver side and the wheel was hitting the caliper. I started wondering it if it was a bent axle, so I started pricing a new one. Then someone on here said it might have somehting to do with the brakes. DUH!! Turns out I had the inside/outside pads reversed, causing one of the pads with "studs" on them to push the caliper out instead if sitting on the inside in the piston. Swapped em over, and now Im golden!

I like this post, Ill have to add some more as I remember all my stupendous endeavors...

camaro430sut

iTrader: (2)

i got one, kinda made me look bad. my buddy bought an 84 z28, low milage car but needed a lil loving. so first day he has it registered we go out for a drive. he had it for about a month before he registered it and we did lil things like a new battery, tune up, u kno the usual stuff. anyway were out drivein and all of a sudden it just dies. it was his first time drivin standard, the car wouldnt restart so i tried to pop it. poped it and drove about three more blocks headin to a friends house, dies again. pop the hood, lookin around, everything looks good to me so i pop it again. get it to my buddies house. pop the hood lookin around, dont see anything weird. i keep tellin him that he prolly has a shot alternator or the new battery is bad. we disconnect his subs thinkin maybe its a crazy draw, nope. i pop it, drive it around, shut it off wont restart. do this like 3 or 4 times. finally i look under the hood once more, only to notice that the belt for the alternator is nowhere to be found. i felt like such a idiot that i didnt pick up on it sooner. i was like ummm i think the belt might be missing. replace the belt pop her one more time, charge up the batt a lil and shes fine. i felt stupid. o well
matt

Eight4Firebird

Nothing too stupid but eh.

1984 Firebird 2.8. Needed a new carburetor. No problem right? Well, after ordering 4 carbs from 3 different places, I got the one I need (well it was a close match). Mistake #1. Didn't label any hoses/lines when I took the original off 2 WEEKS PRIOR. After about 1 1/2 hours of fiddling (thank god plastic has memory) everything was connected...hey what are these for? They don't go to anything...let's clog them up with a screw. Okay done, lets start er up. Mistake #2. When the original was taken off the fuel line nut was stripped, and wasn't tightened all the way. All I heard was "SHUT IT OFF SHUT IT OFF!!" Well, there goes a half gallon of gasoline all over the ground. Okay that's tightened up no problem lets start it again. *crank crank Vrooom* Hooray it's done but...what did those (now) clogged hoses go to? Mistake #3. Make sure the new carb isn't missing anything important. There was no idle regulator...Well ****, I guess I can never use the A/C in my car now, that's ok though.

Njs305t/a

ZOMBIE THREAD I dont have one, but id like to hear more. This thread is hilarious.

92RS_Ttop

iTrader: (3)

I agree, this thread is great. I'm sure in the last 3 years somebody's done something stupid.

I'll post a few of my more memorable ones while I'm here.

Normally I work on my Camaro from the time the kids go to bed till about 1am on the nights where I don't have to get up the next day for work. This keeps everyone out of my hair while I'm working and I can sleep in the next morning so I don't miss much sleep. Until the weekend my wife left the headlights on in her Buick overnight. She wakes me up at 6am to come out and jump her car so she can go to work. I toss some sweats on and go out to jump it, get the wires hooked up and notice the ground clamp sparks more than usual. "Oh well, just found a real good ground" I think to myself. Start the good car and rev it a bit, go to start her Buick and notice its kinda sluggish. Figuring the battery is just that dead, I give it a few minutes then try it again. Still slow to crank so I go to check my cables thinking maybe one slipped off as they have a habit of doing. That's when I notice that in my half-awake state I accidentally reversed the polarity on her car. After I fixed the cables the car started right up. Only damage was the power door locks stopped working and the ABS light stays on constantly now.

Couple years ago I was laying half under a friend's 82 Z28 holding the fill tube in the side of the transmission as he tried to fill it with gear oil(old saginaw 4 speed). He was using what was basically a 2" diameter "syringe" to squeeze the gear oil down through the tube and into the trans. Well, neither one of us noticed the end of the tube slipping off the "syringe" until it pops off and covers me from neck to crotch with about a quart of gear oil. My wife never did get the smell out of that sweatshirt.

I've done spray-hot-coolant-all-over-myself. I was having problems with a coolant leak in a 94 Cavalier(wife's car again) and went to check the level after a 20 minute drive. I let it sit for a half hour before checking it, but I guess that wasn't long enough. Turned the radiator cap and the next thing I knew the cap was bouncing off the underside of the hood and my left arm and the engine bay were covered in hot coolant.

With my Camaro, my 2 biggest blunders involved the new windshield I had put in after I got it. About 2 hours after the windshield was installed(professionally) I was putting the hood back on and while lining it up I got the corner too close to the windshield on the driver's side. It wouldn't budge by hand so I got the brilliant idea to use a pry bar to shift the hood. Not 10 seconds after my wife reminds that I just paid a ton of money to have the new windshield put in the pry bar slips and chips the lower corner of it.

Windshield blunder number 2 happened this past winter when I was modifying the hood. I needed to weld in some reinforcement to the lip seam that runs along the top of the firewall. I also had to cut a notch in the seam for my new hood latch. After I was done I pulled the car out for a test drive and to wash the dust and metal shavings off from grinding down the welds. As I was washing the windshield I noticed it now had a whole bunch of tiny bumps on it. Looking closer at one, I realized the little bumps were weld spatter.

Then there was the time I lost a 9/16" wrench. I thought I had left it a local U-Pull junkyard(wouldn't be the first time I left a tool there, luckily the last one was still there when I went back the next time). The next time I went to the junkyard I checked all the vehicles I remembered working on, but couldn't find it. I had already torn my garage apart looking for it and pulled ALL the tools out of my large tool chest and my portable toolbox. No luck, it was nowhere to be found. Eventually I broke down and bought another one. A year later I am working on the Camaro, upgrading the sway bars front and rear and when I go to remove the end link on the rear passenger side guess what I find? There is my wrench still stuck on the nut on the end link. When I saw it, I just kinda sat there and stared for a minute, not believing what I was seeing. I can't believe it was still hanging on there after 3K miles. I'm just lucky it wasn't pointed more towards the tire.

Rolling Thunder

Ive got a few stories that might be worth a laugh or two.

1. Ya know I would never imagine so little was holding our radiators in place there really just resting in there. After doing some mods as soon as i got it back together i wanted to take my car for a test spin without taking the time to put that fan shroud back on (this was an older mechanical fan not electric). Wouldn't you know it on the very first hard launch the radiator fell back into the fan and was destroyed. Sad day lol.

2. Back when I first got into cars my first car was an 85 with an AC that didnt work. Being as determined as i was to make the car perfect (i took a lot of pride in it even though it was only a v6). Anyways I just assumed that the AC charge was low and bought one of those AC refiller kits from walmart and figured that would be all i needed. All it is is a compressed can of r13-a or whatever that when punctured will empty into the ac system. So i go and hook it up according to the directions and what do you know it leaks like a sieve. I tried to wrap a rag around it that failed as it got soaked and froze and was getting all over me and the car. So in a last ditch effort i decided to throw it in the garbage can and close the lid. Unfortunately that only worked in theory. I threw the can in but before i could close the lid it shot out like a rocket across the driveway about 10 feet denting the family Toyota lol.

3. Another story with that same car. Unfortunately it seems that a great day at the beach had to be ruined by the realization that someone spilled paint on the road and i ran it over splashing white paint on a red car all over the side. To make matters worse being that it was a hot day by the time i got home and realized this it was almost completely dry. In a frantic effort to remover the paint i tried soap and water sponges rags watered down paint thinner everything trying to be careful not to damage the paint but it was wasn't coming off. So i tried something more abrasive and got the greed scrubbie from the kitchen sink. Realizing it was pretty rough i tried it in a small area to see if it would be ok and all seemed well. I tried it on the white paint and it was working wonders. I was so happy i did the whole side of the car and all the white paint was gone and the car looked as good as ever. However it wasnt till the water dried up that i saw the real results. The water on the car acted like a clear cote filling all the fine scratches the green scrubby was making. Once the water dried it was all very apparent leaving behind many fine scratches but the damage was already done. Fortunately rubbing compound fixed it.

4. When refilling my 5 speed with trans fluid i discovered the exact wrong plug to remove fill it and unlike most it wasn't the drain either. There was a third bolt that looked like a good place to fill from as the real fill plug was completely stuck. It took a lot of effort to get the bolt out but i just kept turning till i heard ping and a clunk and that my friends when when i discovered that bolt was actually a stud that some sort of lever pivoted on and that ping was the snap ring that held it in place falling off and the clunk was the sound of the lever falling to the bottom of the trans. Worse yet after disassemble and reassembly of the trans i noted part of one of the syncros on my garage floor. Even worse yet as if that wasnt enough after putting it together a second time i discovered if you shift it without the shifter it will over shift and lock up necessitating disassembling it a 3rd time. 3rd time was the charm though!

quick90rs

iTrader: (3)

ok so a few months ago i just finish changing heads and cam and basically a top end rebuild the last night we finish and get it running. Plans to take it to a car show the next day. Before calling it a night we shifted it in and out of gears making sure it would keep running yup all set looks good for the car show tommorow. Next day sleep in a little and walk out and ready to get the car out walk in my garage and get in and start her up and completely dead! I have no idea whats going on. Must have taken an hour checking everything electrical looking at everything not even cranking over nothing happening. we are shocked what the hell happened! So, completely disappointed i get in the car to to try it one more time. My B&M megashifter catches my eye! I put the shifter in park and start the car and off to the car show we go.

92RS_Ttop

iTrader: (3)

Reminds me of my adventures rebuilding my T5 last winter. First time rebuilding a transmission, so I did months of research on it, downloaded 3 different how-tos and tons of pics, went out and bought the tools I'd need.

Mistake #1 - Forgot to matchmark the synchros.

Mistake #2 - When I got it all back together the first time, I found a synchro key laying on my workbench.

Mistake #3 - After deciding to replace the main case due to stress cracking I didn't press the countershaft bearing cup in fully, leading to disassembly #3

Mistake #4 - Bolting the transmission to the engine and I get it all lined up but it won't go that last 1/4". I get the brilliant idea to use the mounting bolts to "pull" it together. Bad idea as I ended up cracking the bellhousing in 2 places because I was using my original V6 transmission which has a slightly longer input shaft.

Mistake #5 - Got it all back together and installed in the car. Install the shifter and start going through the gears to check for binding/sloppiness/etc. I get to 4th gear and the shifter sticks. No matter how hard I pull or push on it, it will not move. Remove shifter and try prying the mechanism with a pry bar to free it and crack the rear of the tailshaft housing.

Mistake #6 - After removing the transmission from the car I find that roll pin that holds the shifter cup on the end of the shift rail had broken and jammed into the shift detents. That took forever to remove and fix.

By the time I was done, I had disassembled that transmission 5 times and installed it in the car 3 times. And if that isn't enough, the damn thng is leaking from the input shaft retainer so I have to remove it again this winter to fix it.

Arizona IROC

iTrader: (4)

This is an easy question for me.

The time I sold my '70 GTO Judge (back in '86) so I would have the money to build a '74 Grand AM.

Stupid

Rolling Thunder

Yea isnt it a blast? And to think even after that im gearing up to take on a 700r4 soon lol. I will say though to the credit of you and all that have posted we dont learn from doing things right we learn by making mistakes because by doing it right we either already knew or got lucky and we seem to be hard headed enough to keep trying till we get it right money be damned! lol Ill bet when its all said and done though youll be able to tear a t-5 down and put it back together better than new and at a fraction of the cost of sending it in to be redone. However as luck would have it unfortunately it will probably be about the same time that you decide the t-5s not going to work with the 350 you have and you've decided to swap to a t-56 and never touch a t-5 again lol. Gotta love it.

92RS_Ttop

iTrader: (3)

You're right on so many counts its scary. I am probably going to tackle the 4L60E in my truck this spring, and I have already decided that as soon as I can find a T56 in one of the junkyards near me that I'm doing the swap. I would still touch a T5, but only to rebuild it and sell it for a profit.

And you're absolutely right about the learning process. I learned more from rebuilding my T5 than I did rebuilding the 350 I swapped in. The 350 wasn't without its hassles, but no stupid mistakes on my part.

labelled

Mine was very fun...

I was 17 and just purchased a non-running 1984 Chevy Chevette (mistake 1) for $60 and a date with the guy's daughter (mistake 2). So I get it running good and about 2 weeks later, I noticed a pool of brake fluid near the driver's rear wheel, looked and found a pin size hole in the line. I decide to repair it myself (mistake 3) by using tin snips to cut the line, sliding a rubber hose onto the line and sealing it with screw clamps. Later that night driving home from work on a nice rainy night, I have to slam on my brakes but get no reaction and slam right into my dream car an IROC Camaro (mistake 4). It turned out the rubber was not meant for brake fluid and ruptured after a few hours. Lesson learned.

Supervisor42

I grew up on a farm and when I was 16 (1972) my brother and I were putting rear brake shoes on the 1962 pickup. We jacked it up with a bumper jack and put concrete blocks with wooden boards under the u-bolts (standard formation back then). I couldn't get either of the brake adjusters to back off, they were probably rusted solid as this truck spent much of it's life slogging thru mud. We tried prying on the brake drums and hitting them with a hammer but couldn't get them to come off. They'd move a little bit but I figured the groove in the drum was so deep (remember mud) that they would have to be forced off because we couldn't back off the adjusters. We worked for 4 hours, me with screwdrivers prying on the drum and my brother under the truck with an iron bar, pounding on it with a sledgehammer. Now, I have 4 brothers, back then people had lots of kids because, let's face it, some of 'em ain't gonna make it. We're starting to get worried because this truck was our only transportation into town and we HAD to use it this afternoon to feed the cows. The backing plates were getting pretty bent up from the severe screwdriver prying and the brake drums had some pieces broken off from all of the pounding.
My oldest brother walks up and sees us, sweating and filthy from rolling in the dirt, taking turns pounding the rod with the sledgehammer.
He reaches in the driver's door, pulls the park brake release, casually walks over, and slides off the brake drum.
"Y'all hurry up", he says as he strolls away...

iroc stangs

well i know i have a bunch but can only think of 1 but anyway i just learned how to take of wheels ( im 13 give me a break) but anyway im taking the wheels off of my durango which is on a inclined driveway and i notice the jack isnt all the way on the frame so i go to lower it so i can reposition it ( this is while the wheels is off) and then the jack slips and the car starts rolling down the driveway with the rotor scrapping down the cement and im using the jack to get it from rolling to far ( im pushing towards the rotor while the car is rolling towards me ) and it finally stops a couple secs later and i was scared crapless that i ruined the rotor. and by the way this is at about 1am and all you hear is a loud SCREEEECH! for a few secs. i had do sit down for a couple minutes tell i got my breath back i think i was as pale as a ghost. also i forgot to mention after the car finaly stopped skidding it was way to low to the ground for the jack to slide under to i was there for about 30mins trying to figure out to use the crappy sizzor jack that i never figured out and i finally got the hydrulac jack under the car and got it back up but was still scared with it jacked up. also i used a 1 5lb and 2 10lb weights behind each rear wheel to try to get the car from rolling and the weight bar for extra renforcment lol tricky huh? and no i was stupid and didnt have blocks behind the rear wheels. and i also on my camaro have a stick to hold up the hood and well im tinkering under the hood and all of sudden the hood slaps my head and my head is sideway's with a 100 or so pound hood on it and it just figures there is a traffic jam in the street about 30ft away so you know everyone was starring. i litterly though my head was the shape of a square. good times lol. i'll post more when i can remember them. and also after i got done taking off the wheels on my durango and polishing them up we were going to les shwab for tire rotation and all that and the front pass. wheel starts shaking and so we pull over and i tighten up the lug nuts that were pratically falling off and then when where going to the store my mother thats driving keeps hitting it over the huge speed bumps which im afraid that the wheels are gonna fall of but i didnt wanna tell her because well you know how mother's will freak out but we get to les shwab and i find out that the wheels are ready to fall off and i never knew that you are suppose to use a torque wrench and that you go in a star pattern. stupid me. i know theres more but let me think for a while. lesson here though is never jack up a car on an incline, 2 always make sure if you are using an jack to hold up an hood that the stick is in a good location and not loose, and 3 make sure you know how to properly install an wheel.