Dont attempt to remove a wheel from a car until you have jacked it up.

------------------
Smeg
89 GTA 5.7 TPI

 

don't try to remove a steel hood shocks without supporting it first ('cause it will land on your head and trust me , it hurts).

 

whenevr you cut the sheetmetal off you car with a sawsall, never bend it outward, never bend down to pick up a rachet, and never look up again, its a weird feeling seeing your hair, scalp, and blood on the freshly cut edge.

------------------
90 RS 305 tbi, 4 3/4" cowl Hood, Edelbrock TES headers, Flowmaster exhaust, Crane roller cam, comp roller rockers, vortec heads/intake, ported tbi, w/new injectors, MSD probillet Distributer/ coil, 1 inch tbi spacer, air foil, 14x4 k&n flat base air cleaner, Rebuilt 700r4 w/ B&M shift kit, B&M Megashifter, 3.23 posi, 2 12 RF's with mtx amp, top of line alpine cd player, soon to have 90-91 gfx, z-28 wing, new paintjob, rims, and all new lowered suspension. MSD probillet distributer/ coil,

 

Driving tip: Don't run over roadkill when in excess of 100 mph or you will spin around and round in circles and everything will smell like burning goodyears.
***Don't even think of driving in the rain.
***Don't believe the post that says you can change the fuel pump by torching out a panel in the rear and accessing from inside, rather than just dropping the tank.
***Don't be excited about your new radiator and drain the old one while you're underneath it, scalding yourself from your neck down.

 

When you're at the age of 15 and just learning to clutch, don't let the clutch out in your dad's 69 Z that is in reverse, without any brakes, and on a hill. Yes, a fence pole will stop a rolling car by hitting the back of the rear quarter panel and putting a big dent in it. (Yeah, right at the very back, next to the trunk where it's gonna be a pain to get out.)

 

Don't use vise grips on rear hatch strut while changing rear tires. Sooner or later the chewed rod with kill the o-rings. All of a sudden you here a loud hiss and pull yourself up via the rear fender. About the time you stand up hatch slams down on your hand, flexing, then the glass exploded.

That was 5-6 weeks ago. At leeast I have a good excuse to get the GT-AA "notchback".

------------------
86 T/A 5.0 A4 & 2.77 gear
15.62 @ 86 mph
93 Civic 1.6L
13.5 @ 100 mph

 

Don't talk your mum into letting you park the car in the garage for your first ever driving lesson. Result, drive thru garage!

 

*When reusing a block heater on new rebuild, take care that the nut on the back doesn't skip out of the thing that accually tightens it. You'll just think it's tight until it goes missing. Right when your discovering your distributor is in the wrong place and your're turning way farther than it should, with one hand on the TB to keep it running. Somehow the coolant takes a 90 degree turn and goes upward.


*It's very convieniant to track down a torque arm bushing (or in my case a whole new bracket) before you put your Transmission in, you will find you may have to lower it to get the bolts thru. I need the 'right' dist o-ring and placement anyway, if you know what I mean.

I'm not sure about the circumstances around why I did this

*If no rear sway bar option + unhooked Torque arm - jack AND track bar connected then
Track bar = Twisted
NextPartOrder = "Track Bar"
Else
your a bit brighter than me
End if

* "I'll remember how to put this together month from now, It only goes on one way..."
hehe, we all go there oocasionally

BUT!!

The this is the all time most horrible thing to happen to me and a Firebird. Ever since I was 12 and bro let me punch it in his T/A I WANTED one, like screw collage I'm getting a job and A T/A wanted one.

About Six years ago 17 I was reading the classified when under autowrecking was "82 Firebird bad tranny offers". I had already had an engine transplant under my belt so WTF hey?. I called and the guy was obviously east Indian and after a few communications hurdles, I found out I was the first to call and I had to go to the storage place and the counter person would give me the keys. He was a doctor and the car was sitting since 1985 when it lost reverse and about a year before he had the muffler removed. It took him almost 11 years to decide to sell it.

So I get there open storage garage and the first thing I thought was "Yuck, no spoiler!! (T/A Roots)" I'm looking over the car and no rust!! anywhere!!, but its an unhealthy off-white color.

I open the door and for the first time I seen an uncracked dash pad. I sit in it and I happen to see the odometer OMFG 17,000 KM yeah Kilometers so about 10,000 miles and it was six+1 digit. I got so freaking exited I was shaking. I was disapointed it was a v6, but that just meant I could accualy afford to drive it. I got it running and it sure sounded like there was a muffler but there wasn't, my (at the time) future Grand Prix 305 with true dual and glasspacks would have made that car start crying and run.

I got the car for $300. The guy just wanted it gone, he told me he forgot about it and his wife mentioned to him the week before that the storage fee's were due. Imagine that! the guy forgot he still owned a firebird. I feel sorry for doctors they average 65+hr/week, all that cash and no enjoyment.

How is this bad? The next day I'm sitting at my buddy's enjoying a beer when we hear this loud BANG!! BANG!! CRUNCH EEEEEERRR. WTF and before I can look out the window someone ran in "CHRIS! someone hit your car!!". My heart just hit the floor. I seen the my rear bumper and sail panel caved in and my car's nose was jammed into the mini-van in front of it. The girl that witnessed said it was white mustang hatchback that drove away. All it left was a pool of coolant and some paint chips that eventally got the guy arrested.

I don't see how that mustang drove away. My car was crushed head on style no braking at probably 80km/hr. We thought he couldn't have made it far, with the massive coolant/oil trail and all so we went looking after the cops said "O.K, come down in the morning a file a report....". We never found whoever but the police did a few days later. The insurance company paid me $3200 after arbourtration of their original offer of $1200.

Imagine if I put that on E-bay right now. Even though it's only upgrade option was V6 I'm sure someone would pay more than a few grand for a 17k km 82 Firebird.

Do not park your piceless 'unique' f-body on the roadside. And if it's a burnt out Camaro well then... FIX IT (thinking of the one parked across the street).

I gotta go do some heavy drinkin now to re-repress that memory.

------------------
'83 MPFI 2.8L V6 Cobalt Blue Firebird, '89 bumper covers, upgraded to pw/pl, '87 Instrument Cluster and a donated 95,000km odometer.

 

Did this once with a K5 Blazer with a steel hood. When I slammed it down, a pair of forgotten vice grips found there way between the positive battery post and the hood, sending a spectacular shower of sparks everywhere. I opened the hood, didn't see anything laying around, and shut it again for an instant replay of the spark shower. I'm like "WTF??", until I notice the nice new vice grips "welded" to the hood of the blazer.

 

LoL, you mean your wife hasn't learned to recognize the "greasy faced leave me alone I'm frustrated" look? Mine knows it well :-)

 

My mom doesn't ever come in to the garage or driveway while me or my dad are working on a vehicle except to see if we're hungry or something.

 

Hey BringBackThe80s, I did the same thing, but my tool was a brand new snap-on wrench. It got welded to the head. Now I just polish it when I clean the valve covers.

 

Never, never, ever trust your buddy who 'claims' he knows how to adjust carbs, to adjust yours. All i can say is, mint condition, fully restored 69 442 reduced to mushy melted stuff in the Shoprite Parking lot. This brings me to the next point.... when you see smoke pouring out of your front wheel wells, do not pop open the hood. Next point... always carry a fire extinguisher.

 

Don't let your wife/girlfriend "ease the jack down" while you're trying to line up a suspension bolt.

STOP! STOP!! STOP!!!! TOO FAR!! TOO FAR!!! JACK IT BACK UP! JACK IT BACK UP!!............... YES, NOW GODDAMMIT! NOW!!!!

 

I'm gonna need pics of that!!! hahahahaha hilarious

Matt

To add to this article :

--Before tourqueing down bolts on your first ever attempt to work on an engine DO know the difference between ft/pounds and inch/pounds. I thought those bolts were kind of loose....

--ASK someone before you do a carb swap in a newer fuel injected car. Don't believe the tech article when it says all you need is a carb, intake, and distributor!

--DON'T clean your gauge cover with armorall all thinking it will make it shiny. It was clean for exactly 4 minutes until the liquid dried and left a wonderful view of my gauges. and by that i mean NO VIEW.

--DON'T forget to zip your t-top bag completely when they are in it before you put them down in your hatch on top of your subs. Your subs WILL crack one of them, and i don't know exactly how!

--Lastly don't let anyone work on your car except yourself unless you expect shoddy over priced work.!

 

When you get your block back from the machine shop, make sure ALL the oil/coolant plugs are back in place. (Make a mental note as to where these are BEFORE you take the block to the machine shop).

Dummy me, I got my block back, put the engine together COMPLETELY, and went to prime the oil system with the drill. Needless to say oil came out from not one, but TWO places on the block. I'm like... WTF!!!!! And one of those oil holes was just under the head! I had to take the top half of the engine apart, pull the intake and head, and then re-adjust the vavles!

Live and learn!!!

 

Saturday-"Cool, my distributor tune up kit just got here, and what a fine saturday afternoon to do it!" "Hmm, that center weight doesn't want to come off, let me use my snap on hook tool to pry it off"(I don't really talk like this.) PING "It has finally come off, but where did it go?" "Sh-t, the Fing post broke!"(I really do talk like this) "Maybe I can take it off the old 267....Sh-t, I have to take out the whole distributor, and it's totally shot anyway. F it, I'll just leave it, and order a new one. I can drive the camaro to work for a day or two.
Sunday- "While the car's down, I really should put in that new PS pump in and the quick ratio box too. " Don't do this job by yourself if you weigh 160lbs. The box is heavy enough to lift your whole body with your shoulder as the fulcrum. Box fell on my finger, the cut still hasn't healed, two weeks later. Couldn't get steering shaft back on gearbox, Couldn't get Pitman arm off Center link.
Monday- Finished work late, just didn't have the heart
Tuesday- after work- Buy Big *** prybar and pickel fork from sears. New pitman arm is on, and so is steering shaft. "Let me take the PS pump off now and use my 3 jaw puller to get the pulley off!" Mangled pulley, destroyed one of the oem garbage hose clamps. "Change the belt, you moron!", said the little voices.
Wednesday- New GMPP Distributor comes in but who is the d--khead still messing around with his power steering and driving his IROC convertible to work? Ordered new pulley from dealer. Loaned a pulley installer by a friend. Put Distributor in with new MSD wires.
Thursday- Bracket and pulley is on the new pump and in the car. "Why are the lines not tightening in the gearbox? Let me start it anyway."The O rings, you moron!", said the little voices. Add PS fluid to the array of 5 foot stains i've left in front of my house.
Friday- Got O-rings from work. Car runs great, no new leaks. "Why is the Pump squealing like that?" "Because all the fluid leaked out when you started it last night, and the new hose clamp is hitting the belt, you moron!" said the little voices.
Present day- Who is the d--khead who has to change his PS pump and belt?

 

Just heard this about an auto place. The owner's wife's new car was making an odd noise, so he had an employee put the car on the lift, the kind with the forks. Well, the car was raised and he went around to hit the safety switch, the car took a nose dive, needless to say front end mashed up.

 

Please do not elabortate

 

Don't change your spark plugs on your 1979 Ford LTD II that weighs a MILLIONS pounds in a garage made for a del sol. Then after you do it, REV the engine in the garage hoping for more power. After that, DON'T put it reverse and squeal going 40 MPH backwards down the driveway with the garage trailing you on your front bumper . Well, at least we needed a new garage anyways.

 

Dont after visiting a forum and decide to do things you know are way above your head just because someone said it was "very easy"

 

Ok, heres another -

When using an acetylene (sp) torch to cut the rusted rear shock bolts out of your equally rusted winter beater car (at 3 am) - take care not burn a small hole through the thinned sheetmetal of the wheelwell and set the back seat on fire. That car smelled like burnt rubber foam as long as i owned it! haha

Hellraiser

 

Yeah, i've seen this happen... its scary how little attention some techs pay to how they're lifting vehicles.

 

this is the funniest post i have ever seen. just glad that i am not the only person who does things that just make you think "why is he allowed out in public?"
1:when putting strobes on to look "cool", make sure that your positive wire doesn't come in contact with the fender where your ground is. smoke coming out of one side of your engine compartment is NOTa good feeling!
2:never think "hey, i got RTV..i don't need a gasket.". this also applies with duct tape.
3: don't try to get hot girl's numbers while you are going 40 next to a median.
4:don't accidentally shift into reverse while playing with your gear selector.
5:if you shift into neutral, your hatch WILL open if you play with it!! especially if you put it into neutral to keep your tranny temp down in staging lanes with a guy with an awesome 67 camaro right next to you. you WILL look dumb and he WILL laugh. same applies to the hot girl at Sonic.
6o not let your girl take her shirt off when you are speeding in Ferris, TX. you will get pulled over for speeding by Officer Lopez. Make sure you have a jacket nearby.
7:i didnt do this, but when it is your first time at the track, watch and learn how to stage!! you look REALLY dumb when you just sit there with one light on the tree lit and your revving up to go.
8:don't drop your light when working underneath your car. you will break the light. and if you do it once, don't do it twice!
9:don't drop air tools if a:they aren't yours or b:you don't have extra nozzles. you can't use them if no air is getting to them!
i'll have more soon, the guy i always work on cars with is out right now.

 

Wear eye protection when working under the car.

Don't raise the car when the lower shock mounts are disconnected.

All in all, I've been really lucky all these years and had a good teacher.

 

This post is always *** for a laugh. Fortunately i don't have anything to add at this time.

 

For you Apartment Dwellers:

When working on your vehicle in the parking lot, move it, if possible, to a remote corner of the lot. or block off both spaces on either side. If you do not do this, when your neighbor returns from the mall, she will zip in to one of these spaces without looking or slowing down, causing you to scramble like a weasel on crack to keep from getting run over. Your toolbox, however, isn't as quick, and it will resort to jamming itself under her front bumper in order to let you get away.

Fortunately, a 4-drawer Craftsman steel toolbox holds its own against a Toyota Carolla.

 

When you're done working under the car, remember to clear everything out from under it before you lower it back down, or else you'll end up with a funnly looking floor pan like my friend's when he forgot about his tool box............

 

Lol... dont leave a 1/2 socket wrench on the valve cover while under the car... Really does a number on your teeth when it falls on you. whew...luckily, just chiped a few.

 

'Nother good one... dont use needle nose pliers to put return springs on. My friend gave himself a concussion when he nailed himself in the head.

 

Don't assemble your new engine on your back porch, at the top of a tall set of steps. I had to do a balancing act on 2 2x8 ramps to the back of my truck. The neighbors were very impressed til it got to the end of the ramps and tipped over onto my toolbox, trapping me.

 

lol this was sooo funny.. i'm new to all this.. so far all i have done that is stupid is

1. Didn't disconnect the battery while working on the steering column and blew a fuse after a screwdriver crossed two wires... fuses.. what a life saver...

2. THINK about something before you panic.. like if a bolt breaks off and you need to get your alternator replaced.. goto the junk yard and get a new bracket and new alternator and put that in.. INSTEAD of.. taking it to a shop.. having that guy take your bracket out.. break it trying to free the stuck bolt.. tell YOU that you have to find a new bracket.. and in the end paying someone $90 for essentially just turning 3 or 4 bolts for you to change your bracket and alternator...

what a bitch.. i'm not taking crap to a shop unless something blows up on me.. and even then i'd probably abandon the car rather than tow it in.. I suppose I still have time to add to this list.. and it will probably quadruple in size when I try to rebuild the engine...

 

hahahA!! This is making work go by much faster.

hrm...


When working on the tranny under the car, don't decide it's a good time to scrape off that tranny fluid/dirt mix on the pan --> I did this and half of it ended up in my eyes, needless to say I spent the next half hour practically crying.

When pulling the oil plug and nothing comes out, do not decide to look up the hole! I got soaked in hot oil. ( after this I put my sweatshirt and pants in the washing machine, next stupid thing I did.... all my cloths reaked of mobil 1 for weeks)

-Ben

 

Pull up your pants when you bend over to work on something on the car. Or if you like to show off that plumber crack......

 

ALWAYS use Break free or some other penetrating oil on rusted nuts and bolts allow it to work for a few hours if rust is bad and if you think it feels like it is going to break STOP it is.

 

doesn't work unless you are in park.
i know i have tried to open it when i coast into my parking spot at like 5 mph
it doesn't even open if you are siting still and in drive.

 

Ummm, Thats how I've learned everything that I've done so far. (Save for the interior restoration). I don't agree with that one at all, its hard, but how else are you going to learn??

Oh g0d, this is how I started my interior restoration "Hmmm, I wonder whats under the carpet... (Fear of Rust)" however, good thing I did Or my legs would be skraping the ground when I drive!

I got one:

1) Don't use 'Great Stuff' Expanding Foam Sealant when your not sure exactly WHERE its going to expand TO.

2) Don't work on your car after 4:00a.m. in the morning, things can suddenly become DAUNTING.... even things like deciding which way loosens a Lug nut (R.I.P. Lug Stud )

3) Try out your new brakes in a safe area BEFORE backing up out of the driveway.

4) DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DECIDE that your an expert on driving a stick if you've only seen it done on TV and a million people have told you how 'easy' it is and given you advice on how to to it. (Damned Mailbox was in the way, otherwise I just woulda coasted into the house )

Hehe, just some of the stuff I've done...

Adam

 

Uh oh.. i'm screwed... these are so funny.. hehe

 

When installing a transmission pan drain kit measure WITH the filter installed or else you get to walk 2 miles (round trip) to the parts store to buy a tube of JB Weld and wait overnight for it to dry.

Wes

 

These are great I only have 1

After leaving car sit for 8 months check brakes before flippin it in neutral to roll it down the hill, and don't flip it back into park unless you need to mimic a noisemaker sound for new years or something.

 

Man PLEASE BECAREFULL when using that stuff . They are doing construction at school .( building new classrooms ) ..They had acetylene tanks in one of those office trailers . Well , one of the tanks started leaking . The next morning when one of the workers walked in and hit the light switch , BOOOOMMMMM ! It fuc&*in blew up ! It killed two guys ! The blast was felt 11 miles away . I was going to go to school that morning but decided not to for some reason , I park right by that building . The next day when I drove by there was a big piece of debry right where my car would have been !

 

Don't touch something to find out if it's hot or not? (Yeap, it's hot).

 

lol... me and my friend where sitting in his recently acuired 1986 diesel jetta and i went to see if the cigerette ligher worked. Needless to say it got stuck in the dash. I reached into my tool set and got a screw driver to get it out. When i got it out he snached it out of my hand and promptly went to touch it. "Scot, that things probably really hot." "Naaahhh, Adam, it doesnt even look like it works. see?" Psssssss... Smell of burnt flesh.

 

When ever you weld in rear hatch shade brackets make sure to take off the rubber things on the rear wheel well. Theres nothing like a sudden flash over of flames, good thing I didnt have any of my interior in the car.

 

When installing a cam:

1.Remember to hook the tranny fluid lines back up to the radiator. Didnt do this, and decided I wanted to see if the car would run (after a long day of work). Car started on the first try, but my cousin started yelling to shut the car off. Needless to say my father-in-law wasnt happy when he saw a huge puddle of tranny fluid soaking up in his clean driveway.
2.Dont try to convice him that it was already there.
3.Talk to a bunch of people standing around you while you change the oil in your sister-in-laws car. You tend to forget stuff (like putting the oil pan plug in). They get to watch you spill and clean 5 quarts of oil off of the driveway.
4.Dont try to convince your mom that the stain was already thier.
5.Dont spray starting fluid directed towards the TB in a car that you think may have issues with timing. I watched as my shop teacher burned up his mustach as my beater backfired in his face!
6.Dont back a bolt up with a socket wrench (with a extension on it) into the firewall, only to realize that its stuck and you cant spin the socket wrench in the other direction.
7.Dont start working under a car with your back gates wide open. You'll find out a while later that your dog is crapping in one of your neighbors lawn and the old man is to scared to do anything but watch behind his front door and yell at the dog.
8.Dont forget to pull the plugs out of your ford (351w) as you lift the engine out of the car with the headers disconnected from the block but not from the exhaust pipes.
9.Dont do #8 in the dark (with someone holding a maglite) only to find that the engine is hanging on the headers due to the plugs.
10.Do take a picture of your 300 pound greasy dirty friend sitting on top of your engine as he tries to loosen a bolt holding the tranny to the motor. BTW make sure that his greasy crack is out in the wide open as you snap the kodak moment.
11.Show that picture to everyone you possibly can as people will stare in amazement as to how greasy someones butt crack can get.
12.Laugh wildly as people make comments like, " he looks like he can lift the engine up by himself." And, "He looks like he dropped a sandwich back there and is determined to get it back."

 

When doing a tranny swap don't just set the driveshaft up out of the way while you work on the TA mount. It will hit you in the mouth.

Don't use cinder blocks to hold up the front end because you're too cheap to buy two more jack stands. They make a lovely exploding sound. Thank g0d for frame connectors. You find out just exactly how fast you can jack up a car when it's doing a balancing act on one stand and another brick that's about to break.

Don't buy a car that is "just a little rigged" because the more you work on it the more you find out that it was REALLY rigged and rusty and now you have a 7 grand bracket car sitting in the driveway for 4 years and you still don't have the engine done.

Don't try to adjust your timing in the dark and not get the bolt all the way tight and then get stuck at a light because the dist jumped out of the hole. You look really silly pushing a car across two lanes of traffic.

Don't install a new engine and deceide that the 100K + mile tranny will hold up just fine 200 miles away from the spare tranny. That was a $1300 lesson. It needed to be rebuilt anyway right?

Don't buy the cheap plastic switch from radio shack for the radiator fan because "how many amps can it pull anyway?" and catch all of the wiring on fire.

 

Make sure that your crossmember is supported on top of the floor jack, otherwise when jacking the car up it can slip off....but don't worry your center link will catch the falling car(and go through your oil pan)

This is why I did my last rebuild.

 

#1000.
Don't post all your screw ups here and then complain about how crappy the mechanic was that you took your car to.

 

wow, looks like someone whent digging...

jon

 

Don't try to tap the hole for one of the bolts that hold the thermostat housing while running the extension cord for the drill from your UPSTAIRS apartment.

After you realize that the flange on the thermostat also has to be tapped to accomodate the larger bolt, DON"T TAP IT! It will break off when you tighten the bolt.

After you have broken off the flange, don't tighten the other bolt down and try to "glue" the flange back togeather with j.b. weld or somesuch and tighten it down.

After half of the flange snaps off for the second time, don't put a whole tube of gasket sealer between the thermostat gasket and the intake manifold, the gasket and the housing, and all over the outside of the housing after you have tightened the housing bolts "as much as you can", and actually expect it to not leak.

After you have done all this, and determined that it actually stops leaking after the thermostat opens up, DON"T FORGET TO CHECK ALL THE HOSES before starting 10 hour trip from Tennessee to Florida.

When bypass hose blows 20 minutes outside of Atlanta (on the Florida side) and the coolant leaks out, don't pour water into the radiator, unless you want a steam bath.

Needless to say, that was a fun trip in my old 84 Mercury Marquis. My Dad had to drive 6 hours up from St. Augustine and tow my car down to Florida, due to I fried the thermostat and blew the head gasket (destroyed would be a better term, as ALL of the plugs were wet) and flooded the cylinders.