ZZ28ZZ

Don't check for vacuum leaks using carb cleaner on a four cyl eng that has the exhaust and intake manifolds on the same side of the head.
B-12 is flamable; so is the fuel that's now shooting from the plastic high press fuel line that the B-12 fire melted.

Don't forget to install the oil pan gasket, then assume you can squirt some gasket sealer in there to "fix" it.

Don't blow-off the fact your oil press indicator is reading "0" after replacing the distributor.

Don't drop a coil spring with the spring compressor wrenched down tight.

Don't allow yourself to become distracted by the neighbor catching you trying to start a siphon to get some gas out of your mothers car. BTW, a mouth full of unleaded won't kill you if swallowed, but don't burp while smoking!

Don't try to install a-frame bushings with only a curb and a big hammer.

Don't assume the fuel press will bleed off in 10 mins when replacing the fuel filter on a fuel injected car.

Don't buy a heavily modified vehicle in Calif, even if the guy says
"all ya gotta do is slip the smog check guy a $20".

Don't run over a small chunk of 2x4 with the mower discharge pointed towards your Camaro..

Don't allow the timing light cords to get near the fan.

Don't position your face over the battery when trying to jump start a cute girls' car. Especially if there's a funny smell coming from the batt.

92blue

iTrader: (1)

If it isn't necessary, don't work on a car that has been driven in traffic for an hour on a 95 degree day where there is no shade.

Don't leave tools on the pavement on a 95 degree day.

If you decide to work on the extremely hot car with extremely hot tools, don't drop a 1/2 inch socket in the engine bay.

When you try to pickup the socket, don't drop it again and burn yourself after you somehow manage to get your hand stuck between a bunch of hoses.

Ignore the rattling sound of a 1/2 socket that will remain in your engine bay when you drive down the highway.

Ratstix

(1.) Do not drink while working on cars.
i can't imagine why switching a door took 6 hours.



and... why does everybody have such spite for haynes manuels?
i am not an owner of one. but i was planning on picking one up when i get a chance.

mcconahay37

iTrader: (3)

Don't waste your money. Take the $15 and go buy some beer it helps just about as much. Basically Haynes has crappy pictures, few diagrams, and crappy instructions. For example instructions will go something like this:
Remove air cleaner
Remove carb linkages
Remove carb
Remove vacume lines
Take off intake manifold by removing the bolts fastening it to the heads.

So far it has served three uses for me: The fuse box diagram because al my words are worn of of mine, the torque specs, and for cushioning the transmission pan when supported by the jack.

Mark W. Winning

1. When installing your engine and tranny in your car with a hoist, watch the tailshaft. Front windshields are more expensive then you think.

2. When bringing your block to the machine shop, check your back hatch clearance. The blocks mains are stronger that the rear glass!

3. When changing oil filters, make sure the old oil filter gasket came off. Mobil 1 running down the driveway is enough to make you cry.

4. If you car is stock, also find out what MPH it shuts off at. Saves you a nasty surprise while passing someone on the highway.

5. Never hold a tight fan belt while a friend "bumps" the ignition to get the belt on the pulley. You fingers will never be right again.

6. When installing a new intake and carb, close the hood slowly. It sucks to be able to put the air cleaner nut on with the hood shut.

7. When working into the late hours under your car. Never shut your eyes to rest a second. You wake up hours later cold and wet from the morning dew.

8. Never install a high pressure oil pump AND stretch the spring. After 100 PSI, you oil filter will take a hike!

9. Lug nuts work better, when tightened!

10. To your fingers, flex fans don't flex enough.

11. Smokey never told me catalytic convertors caused lawn fires!

Nitroburn

Mark,

You need to stay the 'f' away from cars!!! (Just kiddin...)

Mark W. Winning

Now, I did not say I did each of these. I did catch the grass on fire and I did lose a back window to my engine block, but pretty much everything else is stuff I had to help clean up later!

Nitroburn

hehehe.. I remember when I first put something into my hatch and then I closed it... oops! As the motor is pulling the hatch down, I start to hear a CRUNCH sound. Good thing I still have the key in the lock and was able to pop it open quickly, otherwise I would have had to replace a hatch!!

83CAMAROMAN

NEVER EVER under any circumstances....assume your friend who has never seen an fbody...knows the jacking point.....(got a bent fender to prove that one

83CAMAROMAN

NEVER EVER under any circumstances....assume your friend who has never seen an fbody...knows the jacking point.....(got a bent fender to prove that one

brodyscamaro

sorry but lol. i guess i am just lucky or have little experience but the worst besides many busted knuckles and much burnt skin is just the starter bolts falling repeatedly on my forehead

Mark W. Winning

One of my favorite Darwin awards goes to my Ford friend. He had a nice 5.0 with a 5 speed in it and wanted to have an automatic. So, he installed one. Car started fine the first few times and would not start again. He changed the starter, the solinoid, and even the ignition switch before I got there. I jumped into the car, hit the key and it fired right up. He was floored. All you have to do was pusk in the old clutch pedal!

brodyscamaro

lmfao

Kingtal0n

<b>NEVER EVER ATTEMPT TO ADVANCE THE TIMING AND TIGHTEN DOWN THE DISTRIBUTOR BOLTS WHILE ENGINE IS RUNNING!!! The box end of the wrench slipped off the bolt and in went the wrench and my hand into the fan (and a metal one too). Still don't know where the wrench flew off to but luckily my paw was still on.
</b>

Im assuiming thats because it a ford and the distributor is in the front? I did that but when my hand slipped instead of going into a fan it went towards the coil... needless to say an MSD-6BTM DOES make the hair sizzle off your hand(s) when you let it hit you.

And if you lose a plug-boot somwhere when trying to custom make plugwires, dont decide to make one out of permatex. it will not insulate and the second your hand goes near it... you get the picture.

dont pour gasoline into a carb to see if its the fuel pump that isnt working. when the engine fires it will send flames and gasoline up to catch your head on fire, and rolling around in the grass wont help much. luckilly... there was a lake nearby....

TomP

When you back your f-body onto ramps, don't forget to block the front wheels. When you're done working, don't forget that you blocked the front wheels- otherwise youll wonder why the car isn't moving, and you'll push harder on the gas, and suddenly, the right rear of your f-body will fall a foot to the ground- but the left rear will stay in the air. When the car falls, you'll get traction, hop over the wheel blocks in the front, and leap towards a busy road. You'll scream like a little girl and slam on the brakes just in time. Then you'll shut the car off, get out, and notice that your right rear tire "threw" the one wheel ramp backwards, coming damn close to hitting your dad's new truck.

A couple inches saved me from death- and I'm not talking about car-to-road distance, I'm talking about ramp-to-new-truck distance!

When you're working on the engine, and your idiot friend asks "can I turn on the radio", don't throw them the keys because you think they know what they're doing- they might try to start the car when you're adjusting the fan belts. I almost lost a thumb because of that btch.

When you're rebuilding your first rear caliper, don't remove the piston while you're holding it over your lap. You'll get your crotch soaked with brake fluid.

On a hot summer day, when you help your friend change a water pump on his 305, and he takes it off, and has coolant dripping onto his shoe, don't try to help him by flipping the pump the other way around. You might aim the lower rad hose output towards his crotch, and the coolant might still be hot. (Sorry Mike!)

atomicm0nk

when taking out the driveshaft, prepping for an engine swap, dont assume that having the car in park will keep the car from rolling... cuz as soon as you take out the driveshaft the car will roll down the driveway into the street... thank *** i dont live on a busy road.
when cutting the downpipes off because the bolts are to rusted, dont just cut it after the o2 sensor because you dont have the right tool, after 2 hours of trying to figure out whats still attached that the engine wount come off, you wil figure out its the downpipes getting stuck...
another attempt at the engine pull will be tomorrow....

ViciousZ

iTrader: (1)

Ahh, reading these really makes me feel better about last night.

Quote:

Murphy's car law "If there is a hole for a bolt to fall into your engine through, it will"

After you do pull the motor to fetch out whatever you dropped down the distributor hole, when you are reinstalling the motor/tranny, and the load leveler hits the firewall before the motor mount brackets clear the mounts, should your buddy suggest that you ditch the load leveler and hook the hoist to just the front chain on the motor, while leaving a jack under the tranny to support the back, don't do it!! Because the tranny will inevitably roll off the jack, leaving the tailhousing on the ground, while the front chain slips through the hoist hook, and the motor tilts to the side about 25*, and the oil pan less than 1/2 an inch from resting on the k-member. How I managed to resolve that situation without dropping the motor on the oil pan, I do not know. But I'm surprised I didn't die from high blood pressure last night.

88Bravo

When you feel the earge to customize your carb, and feel the need to removed the throttle plates, make sure they are back in nice a square!! Hard to stop when your motor wants to stay at 3,000RPMS!! Rad coolant only tastes sweet for about a minite. Brake fluid, brake cleaner, and a torch make a big fire on the rear drum!! I was changing the wheel cyld and used a torch to free up the rusty line, need I say more?? Cleaner starts the fire, but the fluid keeps it going!!

JPrevost

When you think that your air cleaner is holding back performance and you remove it for the track, don't forget to clean out the engine bay. Unless you think a handful of leaves is good for cleaning out the motor I don't advise it because no, the air cleaner was NOT the problem.
When datalogging with a laptop on your custom laptop stand you build for $5, remember to fold the screen down!
When you're listening to your awesome stereo and there is a song that has background noise, don't let it freak you out and almost have a heartattack (darn cop sirens).
When you get hit in a private parking lot by some drunk with no insurance and you've got a $500 deductable, don't get the small paint scratch fixed. Because when you do, a couple months later you'll be racing down a road and a big branch will fall infront of you while you're doing a 0-60 run with a friend. You'll end up smacking the branch into a million pieces accross the road (~55mph) and somehow do no damage up front but a stick will be kicked up by your rear tire and be impailed THROUGH the rear bumper! But then you were smart and didn't get the front end painted. You used some Kentucy Chrome to keep the paint from peeling off the rest of the front end. Oh yeah, and you were even smarter to have installed a grill made from plastic garden fencing as to "catch" a branch from going into your radiator.

XxPichulonxX

When u r stuck in traffic and suddenly a huge cloud of smoke puffs up, don't assume it's the junky and beat on 68 oldsmobile in front of you... it's your loose radiator cap!

dejavue

You know what pressing the trunk latch switch does going 80? absolutely nothing but op the trunk and then the wind force push it back down and it click and lock again (atleast for me)


Yeah, don't ever ever ever ever ever not shut the hood good,
everythign will be fine until you hit a bump or gun it :| then you have broken hood and it laying on your windsheild


don't put a 305 tbi computer on a 350tpi car :|
don't ever swap fuses in the fuse box, because once you let the smoke out you cant put it back

ctandc

This a good thread.... I'll add a few.....

#1

When trying to see why the throttle blades on the Holley carb on your dirt track car don't seem to be opening all the way, it's a good idea to crawl into the engine bay and look directly into the carb, with your face right above it. It's NOT a good idea to yell to your drunk buddy "pit crew" siting in the car, " DON'T CRANK IT..." because in his clouded state of mind, he might here "..CRANK IT"..and now, 10 years later you still can't grow facial hair in certain spots from the fireball that engulfed your face.....


#2

It's ALWAYS a good idea to get any weird noise checked out BEFORE you take your car to the track..my 468 BBC equipped 67 Chevelle was running GOOD.......and since I was 17, it had taken all my control not to race the engine I worked all summer to build, before it had at least a few hundred miles on it. The day of the test and tune, I kept hearing this "clunk" every now and then when I was shifting to 2nd with the 4 speed.........I figured I would check it out the next morning......NO NEED!!! On my 2nd pass ( the 1st was a 12.5x BTW ) I hit 2nd no prob, when I banged into 3rd, I heard a loud noise, and before I could react, I realized you're NOT supposed to be looking DOWN at the racetrack surface THRU your front windshield.......

A U-joint failed, and the driveshaft twisted, the front yoke broke and the driveshaft fell, causing my car to "pole vault" into the air until the other end of the driveshaft broke, the car fell back down.

Nothing major damage wise......just some rear end parts, a control arm and a new pair of short




#3

MAKE SURE the driveway floor you're jacking your car up on is SOLID. Not a cheap, thin, recently replaced asphalt. And always make sure to but some board underneath the jackstands.....

I was helping a buddy put headers on his '66 Chevelle, and was underneath wrestling with getting the pass long tube header in ( BBC, not alot of room from the top.......make 3rd gens look EASY) when I realized something was making it hard to breath.....that would be the 3800 LB car RESTING on my chest!!! Turns out the jackstands sunk down, just enough to pin me to the ground with the pass side frame rail......not enough to seriously hurt, but I was STUCK...after considering how uncool it would be to start crying and yelling, I waited a few years......err I mean minutes, for my buddy to come back out of the house......I then calmly asked him to "..GET THE FU#$%^$ CAR OFF OF ME!!!!"

Hid Dad reamed me for leaving 4 nice big triangular shaped holes in his driveway where the jackstands sunk in.....

86TATpi

I learned this one from the people I bought my parts car off of:

When pulling an engine in a garage in the winter and you don't plug up fuel lines and have no ventilation... don't keep a kerosene heater next to the car.

dimented24x7

iTrader: (2)

lol... i remember when i did my first oil change... it was on a 90 eclipse... my first car that i actually bought myself. I descided just to pull the car up onto the spare tire to do the oil change. All went well untill i went to pullt he car off the spare. I forgot i left the car in rev. to keep it from rolling away and as soon as i let the clutch out, BANG! The spare shot out from under the car and struck the contaner of used motor oil, showering it all over the side of the new house we just moved into.

JPrevost

Definatly a NO NO.....should have used starter fluid in the can! Bigger is better .

Kingtal0n

Oh boy, a couple of Florida Dept. of Transportation workers found this out a week ago. Ready?

One guy says "Hey theres a Fuel leak in one of the tractor's tanks. Think you can fix it?"
other guy says "Sure lets have a look at it"
5 minutes later...
"hmm, looks like a small crack at the bottom of the fuel tank... "
"what should we do?"
"well, I guess the easiest thing would be to weld it up... Hang on I'll get the welder..."
10 minutes later...
"Ok fire it up..." Starts the welder... Strikes an arc...

<b>KAAABBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!</b>

"guess welding a fuel tank with fuel in it is a bad idea huh."
The guy lived but half his face is crispy red like a real bad sunburn. The tank was only 1/4 full, and it carried the cheap DOT gasoline. He lost all his hair which promptly cought fire.
He was REAL Lucky because it was RAINING lightly that day, and the light dampness was enough to keep the fire under control.

So for those of you welding fuel tanks... empty them out first huh?

breathment

actualy i thought when u like weld or cut any container that once had fuel or oil in it. the best thing to do it fill it up with water as much as possible so u have less air\(gas fumes) in it..? or even if it was filled all the way up with Gasoline it would be better then 1\4 tank of gasoline and 3\4 of explosive fumes..

Greasemonkey

Definatly. If possible I'd flush it out with water first, then fill it with water and weld on it.

omnipotentgoku

iTrader: (1)

Heres one, dont your air snorkel on the second floor of an apartment complex on a windy day. Snorkel is an expensive, yet ultimately cheap, piece of plastic that will catch wind and break upon impact with the ground below.

cdogc350

1. dont leave antifreeze in the backyard in a bucket cause your too tired to clean up. your cat/dog and/or stray animals WILL drink it, and it will be alot harder to clean up a dead animal then just the anitfreeze.

2.dont tell yourself you'll tighten the bolt later cause you dont have the wrench handy and you dont feel like getting out from under the car just yet cause you can connect something else while your down there............you will forget

ZZ28ZZ

I went through this last year on my boat fuel tank (aluminum).
After I finally found someone that would weld a alum fuel tank, he said to fill and drain tank 5 times with water.
Then let tank sit outside in the sun for a week.
Right before starting to weld, he hooked up a nitrogen (N2) bottle so the tank was constantly purging with N2 while the welding was being performed.

The ONLY way to safely weld a used fuel tank is with a N2 purge.

Jyrx

You really dont have to start messing around with water, just empty the tank and connect a hoze from anothers cars exhaust and the gas tank, now fill the gas tank with exhaust fumes and weld away.
Oh jeah its a good idea to keep the other car running while you weld, just to be shure!

atomicm0nk

exhaust fumes?!?!?!? you better not have a carb thats running rich... otherwise ure ****ed lol

TransAm12sec

That would be me, but nothing bad has come of it yet.

TomP

Well that's damned asinine, eh? Fixing your friend's car, almost get squashed, AND get chewed out by your friend's dad.

f-crazy

iTrader: (-1)

never wash your car with the hood up with worn out hood struts....AND MAKE SURE THE HOOD OPENS WITHOUT TAPPING THE FRONT OF IT...i had my pointer finger on the inside of the fender right by the windsheild...the hood came down on my finger and i couldnt get it back out....i had to call for help for 20 mins before someone came and poped my hood....then i had to explin to the guy for 2 mins how to open it....i almost lost my finger

f-crazy

iTrader: (-1)

when you have a 630 mile drive the next day and your vats is acting up, and u go out to start your car and it wont start, DO NOT PUCNH YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR...$90 bucks for the mirror $150 for the windshield, 10 stitches across your knuckle a $1,400 bill for your insureance company and i almost missed my grandfathers funeral.....

then i still had to fix my vats...another 450 bucks...

$2,100 dollars cuz of a stupid security system

brodyscamaro

that really sucks




and that really sucks

SATURN5

Remember to make sure that the hood pins are in before driving your V8 Pinto. Having the hood flying up at 35 MPH, slamming into the roof is very distracting, let alone you can't see anything. Make sure you slam the brakes on so the hood slams shut. Look around to see if anyone saw.. and slowly find a side street.

Second, when the starter on a SBC jams, and the cables start melting from the current, make sure your buddy realizes that you are pulling the cables off the battery before he discharges the Halon fire extingusher in your face.

lunarteq

I can see that I am Not the only village idiot around!

When you are 16 and trying to learn a stick, remember the parking brake needs to be in the DOWN position or you will leave a 30 foot black mark on the newly surfaced driveway, which you cannot hide from your father.

Always do your Mom or sister the favor of checking their recently returned from the shop car, checking it out and making sure:
*The oil filler cap is still on
*The spark plug wires are firmly attached
Mom complained about the funny sound her car was making after she got her del sol back from a Honda certified tuneup and ten minutes after that she freaked out when the car started acting really funny and it sounded like there was a berserk monkey trapped under the hood when the loose plug wire came off and started jumping from point to point inside the engine bay every time it sparked.

The very first thing I did to my new TA was break the driver headlamp motor because I was curious. The bolts snapped right off and I had to use dental floss to hold the brushes in while I reinserted it and then, since I could not drill the old bolts out I screwed up the entire area around the bolts and holes and now it is zip tied at both ends. It still works though surprisingly enough, until the plastic ties get weathered before I replace the thing.

This has to be the funniest thread I have seen in here yet. Keep it running.

SATURN5

I will always remember a buddy, who was "tuning" his holley with the air cleaner off, had it backfire thru the carb, bealching a nice fireball out of it, nearly singeing his hair and watched it roll up the hood, igniting the oil soaked hood blanket....more good reasons to keep a fire extinguisher close at hand.

Kingtal0n

<b>who was "tuning" his holley with the air cleaner off</b>

Thats normal. Its called a "holley Haircut". happens all the time.

Bobbyz

iTrader: (1)

Do not use beer as a subsitute for antifreeze. went out with a freind racing one night and his water pump starting leaking (rx7) there was no water or antifreeze around so he poured the rest of his beer into the radiator. sad thing is it got him home.

also do not fix your broken motor mount with electrical wire. same freind as above broke his motor mount (jetta) so he decided to wrap wire around it and tighten it sad thing is again it got him home.

and for *** sakes do not put a flowmaster from a camaro on a jetta it just does not sound heathly.

nomind

Oh my f-ng gd, this thread has had me laughing so hard, it's making coworkers stare......

So, of course, I have to share.....My first car was an 89 Thunderbird, and I was told that it needed a new hub in the front driverside, no prob I thought. $75 for a used one from a good junkyard, or $150 new. I took the cheap way out, the hub was from a 91 (notice that my car is an 89), and it included all of the control arms, and mountings. Well I just unbolted the old setup, and bolted the new one up. I noticed that the brake caliper didn't quite fit right...but I really wasn't paying attention. I noticed a small vibration, but the car always vibrated some, so I thought that the rotors needed turned. Two months later, while driving from Ky to NC, on I-40, the car began to feel really funny. As I was driving I look over and the lady in the passenger seat of the SUV passing me is looking at that front wheel, about then, I came off I stood on the brakes, ground the rotor to a pulp...thank g0d that the tire didn't hit anyone else. Ended up having to replace the guide pins for the caliper and putting a rotor for a 91 on that side of the car....I feel sorry for whoever got that thing after I traded it in.....



Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: ``Those individuals should be on medication

SpeedCat86

Wow, this post has been going for over a year!
Here's some stuff to keep it going:
I believe the credit for this one goes to Peter Egan of Road & Track

The Truth About Tools

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object
we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear
wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the original sin
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a
brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" or 1/2"
socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted
part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you
have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a
hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

JPrevost

GRINDING WHEEL: Good for modifying throttle cable brackets then throwing them off your chin and cutting your friend on his forehead while leaving you unharmed. An alternative use is making sure your electrical system is up to par, it isn't when the lights dim and you hear the circuit breaker.

jl2152

Don't stick your face right above the shift **** when you are trying to pull it off. Your nose will not like it if you do.

f-crazy

iTrader: (-1)

do not try to polish your gta wheels on a one way street in new york with your back turned to traffic....people double park perfectly adjacent to you...so the 18 wheeler thats coming down the block sees you but waits till hes literally right on top of you before blowing his extremely loud horn and knocking you on your @ss....

also when he does dont call him a stupid $%#^in **** sucker he does not like that..."dip" is hard to get off the windsheild

ZZ28ZZ

Can't forget these handy tools..


SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after
determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you
thought.


TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under Camaros at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

ontogenesis

Don't wear baggy shirts while using a crawler while working under a vehicle with low clearance. I accidentally rolled over my shirt and got it caught on the wheel, while attempting to undo it, i caught it around the other wheel, i ended up pinning myself to the ****ing crawler, underneath the car, in the garage, in february, at midnight, waited until morning for my dad to come out and pull me out from under the damn thing....