So my parking brake works.. half the time. When I pull it up, it grabs, but will spontaneously release tension and make a loud BOING from the spring snapping back. If I pull it slowly or at a certain angle it will hold all the way through. Im unsure on the mechanics of what could be happening

 

Does the handle move position when it "boings"?

 

It releases all tension on the lever so if you are pulling on it it releases to the vertical position with no resistance whatsoever.

 

Take off the console and look at it.

It's not much more complicated than a ball of mud. You'll see right away what's wrong.

It needs some grease in a few critical areas, which won't be too tough to spot.

 

Since the problem resets when you put the handle down, it sounds like everything is still connected.

It sounds like maybe a cable is hung up on something. Slow action, it will stay hung up. Pull quickly, the cable pops over whatever is holding it. Or, a cable housing will pull though its hole with the quick action.

Start at the top. As Sofa says, take the top of the console off. Pull the handle quickly, see if something snaps/pops/moves like it isn't supposed to.
From the bottom side, you'll see the cables a lot better by removing the driveshaft. Find whatever moves, or is broken, and fix or replace it.