iron duke :hail:

lol

 

i went to the local autozone for a timing light, asked the kid at the counter where they kept them, ...he replied "an econoline??"..no, a timing light, ..."oh, what do you intend to use it for" ...heh.....i laughed in his face, asked for a manager, and left with my light....

 

heh

 

This kinda strays, but its good.
This guy I used to know... his wife went to Sears to get new tires on her Firebird.
When She & her 13 Y.O. Son went out to pick up the car after she paid, she Yelled "I wanted White Walls, not Blue Walls"!!
The Kid, knowing what was up, said "Go Tell them Mom, they messed up". She did!

 

about the 83 corvette... they made them, but never release to the public... like the "magical" 86 camaros with the 350s that are running around... hers a pic of a 83 vette

 

i had a 350 in my 86, ..but i put it there heheh

 

maybe thought it was a inline 6?? oh well...

 

Hehe, can't resist...

Ok, just a little background info, just incase you guys dont know....

My cousin, who has a '52 Ford F1 truck, washes this thing all the time.. non-stop almost, hehe . Anyway, its got a Flathead V8 under the hood. For those who dont know, this is what it looks like (this is not the engine in the truck, just a web image to show you because i have no pics of the actual motor). As you can see, its is NOT a pushrod engine in anyway. No valve covers, no exhaust ports on the heads, etc etc... and looks nothing like the usual american V8's right? (ie, Chevy small block)

Well, he told me a story last night about this time he was at the car wash last summer....

He pulled into the station so that he could was his car, and the guy in the stall next to him notices the truck and says something like "hey, not bad!"

Anyway, they get to talking, and this guy is washing his '32 Ford hot rod thats really decked out (from what i hear, remember, i wasn't there) Its got lots of nice stuff in it... nice black paint, Corvette 327, etc etc...

So this guy leaves while my cousin is still washing the truck, and another guy comes into the stall on the other side, takes a look (i guess the hood was open?) ans says "Hey!! YOU HAVE A 426 HEMI IN THAT!!"

Just cracks me up when people think he's got a Hemi

 

lol

It was an Essex next to me, the owner asked to look at my flatty.. asked if it was 6 volts, etc... while me and the Essex owner were standing talking the other guy asked if I had a HEMI... I'll add that the dumb kid was driving a Acura or Honda with a big fart pipe.

 

Close, but no cigar

(BTW, Karm is my cousin with the '52)

 

not a repair but.....


I was in Autozone picking up a part one night and these two teenaged girls walk in asking about those GTS tallight and headlight blackouts.

The one girl ordered a set of them (headlight/taillight) for her Plymouth Duster, the other girl wanted the same for her Ford Probe. The guy behind the counter very wittingly replied..."you got flip up lights on your car"

The girl wasn't too bright.

 

WHY? just go get some sheatmetal.

 

hahaha these are hillarious. heres a few more...

my girlfriend has a 91 grand am that is in decent shape, but she wanted me to show her how to maintain it. you know, just the basics, oil, water, p/s fluid, etc... well i asked if she knew how to check the oil and she said "of course". then she pulls out the dipstick and looks down the tube. she said she couldnt see any oil down there, it must be low


a guy i used to see around at partys had a 94 integra. one day in the shop he took off his power steering pump claiming it would add 50hp and it would save weight. then he threw it in the trunk.

btw- not sure about cars, but my ski-boat has a v-4. hard as hell to work on that bastard

 

here's one myth:

That one person has a say in another person's vehicle.

If someone wants to run with cardboard under the hood, who am i to tell him otherwise?

if they want to run their engine 30k miles between oil changes, oh well. they know best.

It dont matter if you're right or wrong, you really cant tell anyone anything about their car....well except the automotivly educated.

I figured that out from working as a mechanic. People would bring their stuff in, wanting me to fix it....yet nobody seemed to trust me fixing it, and everyone knew a better way to do it.

One lady insisted on not only watching me work on her tracker, but she literally looked over my shoulder saying "what are you doing now. oh? why?" in an accusing tone. I could tell she had no idea what she was looking at because when i check the oil and she asked what i was doing i told her i was adjusting the battery specific gravity. when she asked why i was doing that i replied honestly "cause there's no oil on the battery dipstick". then i showed her and she nodded in agreement. But i had about 4 hours of work to do on it, and after about 5 minutes of her bothering me i rudely invited her to use my tools and fix it herself, then took a lunch break at 9:30 am. I think that might of had something to do with me being fired....hmm...

Well like i said, very few people know anything about cars, but everyone thinks they know everything about their car. i cant even count the number of times i got dissatisfied customers screaming at me "You did a tune up but you didnt clean the carburator!?" (on fuel injected car), "a $20 air cleaner!? It's fuel injected moron, it dosnt have a air cleaner! you think i'm an idiot?!". heres one i never figured out the logic too "No you didnt rotate the tires! Look at them, they look exactly the same!", i heard that so many times....but couldnt never figure out exactly what they were trying to say. then they'd come in with an engine that hadnt had an oil change in 20k miles and have me change it, there'd be so much sludge in the engine that it would glue the oil fill cap close. then they'd say "ok guy, if you changed my oil how come it's still filthy black!?"

Well my point is, you just look at them straight in the eyes and say "yep, i'm the idiot here. you know best".

 

mine has one


not original tho

 

This post makes me wana mess with people more at my work. I work at autozone i swear i dont know how some of these people work on there cars. The other night a guy came in and repaced his alternator then he comes in dosent speak any english and says car no work. I go out side everything looked ok i asked him if he hooekd the wires up right he didnt understand. Well he touches a wire and the whole wire bursts into flames and him and i fare like oh ****. Then i sat out there and rewired his alternator. Or this one lady and her husband came in and her husband was goign to do a tuen up on a 4 banger then she decides for her husband he cant do it and hes not mechanicly inclined and cant fix anything.

 

ok this stuff was really funny, so my mom is easily fooled and not to say but is dumb, not other than dumb, i take her up to advance auto parts and tell her ill give her a dollar if she ask the parts manager some thing, remember PARTS MANAGER, so she ask, she says ok, i need a digtal egr center linked valve for my 03 camaro, and a new parking light, so first he walks over to the headlights and ask "does this look like it will fit?' she reponds "ya sure" so he carrys it to the check ut an begins to look in the computer for a 2003 camaro, ask for help from another "mnager"then i grabbed her arm pulled her out the door and gave her a dollar, it was a good laugh, also this is not car related but today i was sittin in my math class doing nothing as always, my teacher comes up to me (shes about 65 years old) and ask me "have been drinking acohol?" i say "no why??" she says "your pupils are enlarged and u smell strongly of herion smoke" i about fell out of my seat..lol it was so funny. next story, i took my moms explorer to this guy down the street hes a ASE mechanic, i told him it wont start some times it just clicks (of course i know its just a starter soilnd) he says ok ill fix it (hes famous for replacing battary cables and hers were pretty shot) so he of course repaces those,i laugh at him for being so dumb to think it was batary cables and not know it was a starter soilond, i was nice and paided him for the hard work he did and havent took a car near him since

 

I like the people who come in and dont even know what kind of car they have what year it is nothin or the guy that came in and said he had a chevrolet chrystler im all huh for 5 minuts im all is it a chevy or chrystler so i just guessed and got him the part.

 

honestly i love the people who come into the parts store and say i need such and such part for a 19xx saturn. when you ask them what kind of saturn they have no clue, so when you ask them what kind of body it has to do some detective work they say it is a 19xx. i dont know how some people function in normal society

 

After checking an oil leak on an older chevy wagon I walked up to the service manager of all people who was standing with the customer waiting for my responce. Told him it was the rear main.
He looked at the customer and said, " Oh, to get the oil pan out well need to loosen your motor mounts and jack off your motor. " The customer said " That sounds expensive but it's for my baby so go ahead and do it. " I lost it.. Service manager never lost stride even though he knew what he said.

 

lol!!!!!!

well, i was working the register at our service station and a guy who couldnt speak a lick of english wanted to buy something.

seroiusly, after 10 minutes of playing charades, (you know the game with movement, but silence and you must guess what is going on?) i figured out that he wanted tranny fluid, or something.....

but i could not for the life of me figure out what kind of vehicle he had, or why he would want tranny fluid....
he walked to the store so i coulnt see what car he had so i guessed that he had a non ford vehicle and sold him a three quarts of tranny fluid....

well he came back the next day to thank me, saying gracias, and i look out the window and see his car to be a ford windstar, so i figured he thinks he changed the oil, but drained the tranny, or he changed his oil and put in tranny fluid, or if he drained his tranny and put in non ford fluid...

i guess it pays to speak english in this country after all!!!

 

LOL 95 percent of the people that come into my work dont speak andy engilish and every one at my work speaks english only. What i dont get is when they come into our work they come in groups of 5 and just stand around while i get them spark plugs does it really take % people to change sparkplugs????

 

yea, everyone at my work knows NO spanish at all!!!!

i know just enough to order at taco bell

my favorite non speaking english people are the ones that want a tire fixed and it takes me like 20 minutes to explain to them that i cant repair an 8 inch tear and that they need to replace the tire... they always get the impression im trying to rip them off !!!!

 

oh ***... dude.. thats hittin the nail right on the frickin head... No one knows what kinda car they have... As soon as they say, "i dont know", i come right back and say.. If you dont even know what kinda of car you have, are you sure you know whats wrong with it? they usualy shut up, and from there i fill out a service from.... As for the non english speaking people... again 100% on them bringing 5 or more people just to get brake pads.... Are they that heavy? OH.. a good one for all anti ford people... There were about 10-12 people to walk in to my store all looking for the same thing... tranny fluid for a windstar... I talked to one person..and the rest all turned and looked at me and all said... " i need it too for the same car" all had mid to late 90's windstars... i gave them all 3 quats and sent them down the road to the Ford Dealership.. as they were all leaving, i called up the dealership and i said" there are about 15 pissed off windstar owners im sending your way....better get ready to hand out some recalls"

 

sadly it's just the oppisite for me. I live in deep south texas near the boarder, every one here speeks spanish. but Im a born and bread West Virginian. for me it can be a pita trying to get what I need some times. I go to the store pay for what I need and they count my change out in spanish and Im left thinking wtf looking at my receipt making sure I didnt get jipped.

so Im not off topic here is a story(no offence to people who work at autoparts store's) few weeks ago I go to autozone to get a tbi rebuild kit. I tell they guy what I want and he says it doesnt exist. I then explain to him that my car is TBI and that there is a rebuild kit for it. well he continues to insist there is no such thing and I cant rebuild a TBI unit. then thinking he would be smart he ask's another employe about it, with out another work the other guy says yes we have them and looks up the rebuild kit in the comp.
I admit some times you come across people at autoparts stores that are helpfull, then other times you get some that are down right idiots

 

People would come in for rebuild kits for there carbs, and we didnt sell them... the place i worked at isnt as big as pep or autozone, so we have to order a LOT of stuff... people get mad with our store cause we have parts for rare cars, but no parts for mass produced cars... i.e. the F-150... the most produced truck EVER!! we dont have: PS pump or hoses, brake hoses, lower radiator hose, fan clutch, and something else i cant remember... and the best part is... One guy asked for all thoes parts.. i could never come through for him... kinda felt bad... oh well chit happens..

 

95 percent of the people here speak spanish who come to my work. And where i live its little mexico in my apartment complex i cant walk to my apartment with out someone recognising me and asking for help.

 

LOL i work at autozone when im bored i will do that just to **** off the customer its funny and since we are the only parts store in town they are kinda stuck. Most the time im helpful but other times its just fun to **** someone off when your haveing a bad day.

 

Oh yea.. deff. agree with you there... If i get an attiude.. then they get lil help.. and when im in the shop area and i get scruff... better hope thoes lug nuts are on tight..

 

wow, to think that some people have ACTUALLY SURVIVED with out assistance for so long.. they should follow up on DARWIN's rules... (Just incase you don't know what I'm talking about... Darwin was the guy who had the idea of NATURAL SELECTION)
Different topic
One day while working at AUTOZONE I'm helping this 75 year old guy change a battery in an ORIGINAL '57 VETTE OMG.. I almost busted a nut, just standing by it... He said that he bought it NEW, and has driven it as a weekend car EVER SINCE... GUYS, that 46 years of weekend driven BAD A$$... then a hard-core '69 camaro SS pulls up NEXT TO THE VETTE, the guy gets out and gives the old man a hug, says "hey dad, how's the vette?" turns out that the son was the original owner of the SS... he needed a new plug wire... (one was burned from resting on the manifold).. I go get a measuring tape, to help him out... JOB WELL DONE FOR ME...helping 2 guys with 2 of my dream-cars at the same time.. After these guys left I was in the store for about 3 minutes... when this guy ( a bonified r1cer ) askes me to help him change a battery in his plastic covered, donkey-d1ck muffler, racing stickered, football bleacher "WINGED" purple ACURA. I look up from the parts counter and say "I'm not supposed to help customers outside of the store ", (which is a lie) He says "hey, I JUST saw you outside with those 2 guys, let me talk to your manager" OK, I go get my manager (HUGE black guy, also a DIE-HARD CHEVY GUY, more than me, which says A LOT) the r1cer tells the story and the manager says... "well, he's busy," the r1cer says "oh, so he can go help these old f@cking geyzers with their old piece of **** cars, but he cant go help a guy with a TRUE sports car. F-U" My manager said, AND I QUOTE "F-me, did he just say F-ME... well, well, well, MR. baggy pants, plastic car, stupid haircut, sh1tty music, azz pipin' MF, you have 3 seconds to get out of my store before... the guy was gone... it might also have something to do with the fact that my manager gets this vein in his neck when he gets mad.... LOL

 

how would one add pictures to the page... I can't get it to work... funny because I can rebuild a motor with a blindfold on...

 

one guy came into the dealership i was working at to get some work done on his truck, of course i got the honor of doing it. This is the middle of ohio, and this guy looked like he came right out of a 3rd world banana farm. He was wearing cutoff jeans, and a dirty tank top. He really did look like some kind of peasant, but he was driving a brand new truck.

So all i did was pop the hood on his truck and the guy comes over and start gibbering to me. It sounded vagualy like english...but his accent and pronounciation was just so horrible i couldnt understand a word. he just kept saying "mu fuud" over and over again.

Fast forward about an hour and a half, no work has been done on the car, and theres now a crowd of managers and service writers trying to calm this guy down. As he's become very upset and is screaming jibberish at us all. He got even more upset when we tried to shut the hood and drive the car out of the shop. So finally the service manager just happend to place his hand on the air cleaner box, which seemed to please the guy greatly. Through pantomime we found out he wanted us to open the box. so i grabbed a screwdriver and gave it to him to take the aircleaner box off, but he wouldnt accept it. So then i took the air cleaner box off....and instead of an aircleaner in there.....there was a bunch of bananas and a thermos. He then motioned that he wanted it, so i motioned back for him to get it....but he wouldnt get it himself. So i basically grabbed it and thrusted it into his chest.

Then he held the bananas and thermos up melodramatically saying "mu fuud", as if we were all idiots. Then he just walked and sat in the customer lounge and at his bananas.

To this day....i'm still scratching my head about that one. The service manager seems to think that the guy thought that we had custody of the car and wouldnt allow him to get his stuff out of it....but none of us ever figured out why he had his lunch in the air cleaner box. I put the thermos back in there for him, and left it at that.

 

dam... my boss was a die hard import fan... not r!ce, imports.. he had several Si's and GTI's.. he doent understand how i like american iron. I guess that autozone commercial is true, cause i never ever ever saw any nice cars come into my lot... well there is a ferrarri that comes in, but i dont know wtf hes doing there... Thank g0d we dont sell a lot of r!ice chit... just the windshiled lights and type r cup holders... make you drink faster i guess... I would have deff. have to change my pants after seeing thoes cars... hehe i would of hugged them both! frickin sweet **** cars.. I help out people with there nice or cool cars. Nice lady had a 4th gen camaro 6cyl 5spd with over 200k on it... she needed something with her lights.. i got out there and just fixed it... anyway.. i would of smacked that kid...

 

QUOTE OF THE DAY....
"naw man, it's not a SPOILER, it's a WING"

Hey I want one for my car too... I'll tell you what I'll do, give me a hacksaw... I'll go to my local highschool football stadium, get a nice 4 foot piece of bleacher, and then use coat-hangers and duct tape to make it stay on my trunk... because " really, it helps my acceleration"

 

LMFAO thats gotta be the funnyest thing ive herd. Why would you put your lunch in your air cleaner box?

 

not acceleration yo'! its fo da down force playa! mah rear end gets all crazy when ims puttin a lots of powa to da ground in mah civic yo plus i need all dis to ballance all da crap thats under mah hood, like mah electric supacharga i gots of Ebays son!! WERRRRRD!

 

ROTF...
SECOND QUOTE OF THE DAY...
"racing a honda is like the special olympics... EVEN IF YOU WIN, YOU ARE STILL A F@CKING RETARD"

YOU GUYS , you need to check out musclecarclub.com they have a section titled "you know your a r1cer if..." go to the page, look up jokes...

you know your a r1cer if... you have stickers on your car that even asian people don't understand...

you know your a r1cer if... you have a big green shift light, WITH AN AUTO

you know your a r1cer if... you refer to an engine with 115 HP as THE BIG ONE

you know your a r1cer if... fiberglass panels make-up over 50% of your racing mods

you know your a r1cer if...you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude, after EVERY race

you know your a r1cer if...your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose

... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager

... you can't race uphills

... you brag to have nitrous AND a 15 second dial in

...your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.:sillylol: :sillylol: :sillylol:

 

yeah theres a myth for you, that downforce on the rear wheels of the fwd car is a GOOD thing. It's kind of used on drag racing rwd cars because they want to keep traction on the rear wheels at high speeds because the rear wheels actually drive the car, imagine that?

I still havnt figured out what the ricers expect these things to do for them. I thought it was funny when they stopped putting body colored uber spoilers on there and turned the fashion into just bolting poorly made aluminum wings on there. I thought they just made those themselves...but then i went to pep boys and saw that they actually sell those things!

I honestly just burst into laughter every time i see one of those wings on a cavalier. Then the owner always acts like i'm the idiot "its not for looks dumbass! It's for downforce!"

 

LOL

 

i actually had a guy come into my place of employment (advance auto) and ask if we had the kit to change from two wipers to one big one in the middle. he said that even tho he wont be able to see worth sh**, it just looks "off da hizook":sillylol: he also would not believe me that the only two euro tails that he had ever seen for a '94 cavalier had probably been self fabbed. he was like "there aint no way someone can make somethin look that good". all the while his dad was standing down on the other end of the counter shaking his head (obviously embarassed of his son's mental retardation.:lala:

 

The Canadian Tire auto parts dept. here used to have a lot of dumba$$es working at it a few years ago but in the last little while it seems they've gotten a lot better staff. There's only 1 dumb guy, he tried to tell my friend that his 87 GMC 1/2 ton doesn't have a front differential, it only has a transfer case. He kept insisting this. Another guy is my age and he knows a bit about cars but not a lot and he's a bit of a burnout so if he's looking up parts he might ask you some questions that don't matter.

 

Remember kiddo's, dont forget to replace your muffler bearings and to properly adjust the kanooter valve at every tune-up!

 

i'v fishtailed many times in front wheel drive cars.. not saying that i agree with those giant wings though.

 

hahaha! for real man! i get my 93 taurus sideways all the time on my way to work! (gravel road)

best burnout ive ever done in my life was in that taurus. rainy day in a bank parking lot. set the parking brake and just steped on the gas. sat there for a good 3min untill i let up on it. i never knew tauruses (or is it tauri?) could do that.

strangely, 2 days later my transmission exploded. the guy at the shop said he used to build drag cars and hes never seen one let go that bad before, esp on a granny car like a taurus. i just smiled and said "thank you" lol

btw- if we put spoilers on our cars they would actually HELP performance, and that is strictly outlawed by the r*cers code of modifications. maybe we could just put them on our hoods instead.

 

On our hoods, and backwards.

 

HELL YEA fellow 3rdgen/taurass owner huh!! i got a 95, and i gotta try that burn out!! i only spun out the rear once, but under 20 mph...

 

a little of topic but ya to funny to pass up

http://www.knplogic.co.uk/are_u_mad.html

and try this it wont work right now but keep tring its the video to the top one

http://www.gti-vr6.net/GTI_vs_Civic/

 

a kid in auto shop once filled his brand new mustang fulll of octane boost and very little gas, yeah, gotta love them mustang owners.

 

haha. be careful. somehow after my "fantastic burnout" , the input shaft on my tranny decided to throw itself through the bottom of the pan and crack the case. strange isnt it?

damn ford transmissions

 

hehe dont worry.. im on my 3rd already