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My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

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Old 02-16-2012, 01:38 AM   #1
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My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Four years ago my little brother was killed in a car accident. We were both into Camaros. I had an 85 he had an 86. A year before he passed away we redid his entire car, did all the body work interior stereo etc.

After he passed away I would regularly start the car and take it for gas, cover it, as I intended to keep the car as a keepsake and a car you could put no price on. After the trans swap in my car was complete his was to go into the garage, to be garage kept. The car has ALWAYS been 25 feet from the garage.

So after about 6 months to a year my dad takes the keys from me. Yells at me and tells me "not everything is mine" dont touch it, in a terrifying voice. And threw me to the ground.

I made an argument that I just wanted to take care of it. And if he would do it i had no problem with that. I was threatened not to touch it.

Sadly ever since my brother died he has been yelling, screaming, belittling me about my going to therapy. Making fun of my meditation classes. He bullies my mom. He wont go to therapy of any sort and will make fun of it. He makes me feel pretty worthless:but I know hes just hurting, hes a good guy I know he loves me.

I know for any father out there to lose a son is beyond tragic. I still hurt a lot. Since then I never. once touched this car in any way to maintain it.

That was 4 years ago. The t-tops leaked water into the cars destroying the interior. I finally broke into the car to get my 2000 watt subs out(felt bad about that) and the entire system amps head unit were all ruined from mold and water damage. The brand new paint is starting to bubble- The rot in the back of the car that was due to be fixed is now see through. All the brake calibers are rusted, the brand new tires are now dry rotted.

It kills me to see this car rot away as I walk out my door everyday. I never said it had to be mine, just would like to see it taken care of. He talks to people sometimes as if "someday" it will be mine. Truthfully after such a big fight over this car it- just hurts me so much I dont know what to think. And the longer time goes by the car becomes a major project for me, as I can now see the mufflers rotted out along with the rear fenderwells and who knows what else.

Am i being selfish by wanting this car?

Thanks for any input.

Jay

What do I do?

Last edited by 1RedCamaro; 02-16-2012 at 01:54 AM.
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Old 02-16-2012, 01:49 AM   #2
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Damn dude idk. You could rent a storage unit and steal it and just ride it out indoors so it wont rot so quickly
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Old 02-16-2012, 07:52 AM   #3
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Can't say it's selfish, coping is a process, and to each their own in how that is done. If it's not going to turn into more trouble than it's worth, go get a car port and set it up around the car, at least put a roof over it's head until some good comes of it.
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Old 02-16-2012, 08:17 AM   #4
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Dude. IDK what to tell you, except weather it as best you can, learn from it... I bet your dad is in a lot of pain and doesn't know how to deal with it (man up and all that, be the strong tough guy, etc) but then, I of course am just guessing. Anyway, I have my own kids, and it bothers me when any dad acts like that, makes me want to throw THEM to the ground, hehe. Hang in there, deal with what you can and when you can't find a way to escape the area till things mellow, etc. Don't encourage confrontation but don't be a victim either... it's a tricky situation.

I'd tell you to come on over and hang in the garage for a bit and talk to a dad and get it off your chest, but that's probably a wicked long drive. Hang tough.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:07 PM   #5
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

thanks everyone. I even scrapped my car so that there would be room in the garage for his car. Building cars calms me down so much- I miss my camaro. I guess I just have to let it go and buy another one someday.....

i like the tent idea I may do that. heres a picture of mine when i had it next to his.
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Last edited by 1RedCamaro; 02-16-2012 at 12:14 PM.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:33 PM   #6
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Sorry for your loss!

Your father probably cant emotionally let go of the car either, just has an odd way of showing it. Maybe you should ask him to help you get it back to its previous condition so you both can enjoy it occasionally, like taking it for a ride on his birthday or day of passing.
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:26 PM   #7
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

I am sorry for your loss forst off. Secondly, your father is right (in one sense, others, time will tell) about the car. I woud think he had to spend some money to bury your brother and if anything went to probate (no will) he probably hads the title to the car. That is one issue that sucks but I'm sure it is a big reminder of your brother to him and possibly he is still healing.
On another note: the pushing you down, yelling at you and your Mother is unacceptable and needs to be addressed. There is a storm brewing and at times you have to team with your mother and possibly go on a trip and leave the situation for a bit of a break. If nothing changes you need to either get him therapy or take a break form the situation for a longer period. That is not how you treat people you love and if he wants to act that way he is not seeing how important a family bond is.
The car is going to sit there until he wises up and realizes it is going to waste whether is is yours, his, your Moms or anyones.
I truly wish you the best and hopefully all works out safely. Death is a very tough part of life and familes need to get closer during this time rather than pushed away.
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:30 PM   #8
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

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Originally Posted by patricklav View Post
Sorry for your loss!

Your father probably cant emotionally let go of the car either, just has an odd way of showing it. Maybe you should ask him to help you get it back to its previous condition so you both can enjoy it occasionally, like taking it for a ride on his birthday or day of passing.
exactly what I was going to say.
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:01 PM   #9
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

I tried asking him if he wanted to get it running. - It went not so good: he went off the deep end about how dont i think he would like to put 454s with superchargers and all this crazy ridicules stuff but he cant afford it, and if I sell it(something i would never do) I should take no less than 3000 for it. I have no idea what any of that means or what it had to do with starting it.

I just walked away scratching my head......
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:13 PM   #10
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think your selfish for wanting the car. Theres always that one thing that helps you remember a lost one and for you its your bros car. I completely understand the whole working on cars calms you down as I'm the same way. I would bet if you someday have the chance to restore his car, it would help you out tremendoulsly. Its tough but worth tryig to talk to you dad and maybe making it a joint process.

As others have said, the way your dad is, absolutly not right. From the sound of it, he seems to be the type whose hard to talk to, although I could be wrong. He needs to be addressed though in some way shape or form. Tough times yes, but no one deserves to be treated that way.

Just my 2 cents
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:32 PM   #11
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

sorry for your loss, and sorry that your father has trouble appreciating the family right in front of him. it sounds to me that if your brother had the choice to give the car to you, he would. sounds like you guys had some fun with your camaros and couldnt think of something better to remember your brother than making use and taking care of his camaro. if i was your father i would give you the car. its just a car to your father but to you its much more.

unfortuatly i think you might just have to let go of the car. somethings are just out of reach. i dont think you will win this battle anytime soon. its a shame to watch a great car be destroyed from neglect. sounds to me that a little distance could go a long way. friends, co-workers, and relitives might be your best support groups rather than mom and dad.

you will have to make your own pathway to your dreams. you and your father are different in your own ways. hope one day you guys can reach an understanding and he can treat you with the respect you deserve.

good luck, be strong!!
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Old 02-16-2012, 11:12 PM   #12
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1RedCamaro View Post
I tried asking him if he wanted to get it running. - It went not so good: he went off the deep end about how dont i think he would like to put 454s with superchargers and all this crazy ridicules stuff but he cant afford it, and if I sell it(something i would never do) I should take no less than 3000 for it. I have no idea what any of that means or what it had to do with starting it.

I just walked away scratching my head......
when he said this: "...and if I sell it(something i would never do) I should take no less than 3000 for it."

Maybe walking away at that time was the first reaction but you had some open dialogue going. You should have told him the car is a big part of your life and the memories it holds is worth more than money. Tell your Dad you would really like the car to stay in the family but maybe you two could put some time together into saving it before it rots away. Maybe you could even tell him you both could have some time together and hang out while doing it.
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:26 PM   #13
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

You gotta let it go. But just remember, he can't sell the memories.. Like the memory of the day you and your brother were in your car and you farted and covered up the power window switch so he couldn't roll the window down!! (just an example). Find you another Camaro and make IT a tribute car to your brother.. do a few "he would of liked it like this and like that" Trust me, your brother is looking at you.. from a far greater place!

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Old 02-18-2012, 11:14 AM   #14
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

not my business, but you did ask.

Does you father have any siblings? really close friends ect? Parents still alive? sounds like he is have a really bad time dealing with this (understandable, but sounds like he is violent/aggressive on the topic which is not good for anyone involved), you need to put together an intervention of sorts with him, with the help from his friends family, siblings ect and try to get him help he needs to deal with this loss, as it seems he has not been able too. You may find this useful as well to help you deal with this tragedy also. I know things like this are very hard on people, my best friend almost destroyed himself after his girl friend committed suicide last month and its been a long difficult period, and it will continue for a long time to come im sure

As for the car, it has a lot of emotional and sentimental value, but you may find it best in the long run to let it go, it will remove the area of friction thats been causing everybody pain over the years and might help clear the air and begin the healing process for everyone.

Something to think about

-Phil
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:49 PM   #15
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

no, my family came from nothing. Both my mother and father have a terrible childhood, well it wasnt really a childhood at all. Thanks for all the input. Im moving out next month- I moved back here to try and help everyone but its gone off the deep end.

I guess the car will rot into the ground....ohwell
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Old 02-19-2012, 01:42 PM   #16
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

sorry to hear that. You gave it a shot and tried to help mend things, thats all you can do.
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:06 PM   #17
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

You should tell your father that he's not the only one suffering and he needs to get over himself because it's taking a toll on the whole family by him being like that. Nobody said it wasn't hard, but you're all dealing with it and he's refusing to do his part in the family role. Your brother would never want that, and you know that. At least you're TRYING to make things better. It sounds bad, but he's acting like that because he's having a constant pity party instead of dealing with it in a positive way like you are. Look at the damage that has been done already. That car could've been nice by now if he would've just compromised and would've been an honorable tribute to your brother to stay in the family.

Sorry, but your dad needs to get his head out of his *** and stop being a child. I've had this conversation with mine because he also pointed his finger at me as a source of ALL the problems. I removed him from my life completely until he stopped being a total idiot and realized how much damage he'd done.
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Old 02-22-2012, 06:19 AM   #18
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

Your Brother is in Heaven and the Camaro is not one of his immediate cares, but it's way up there in your mind...and heart. Show the world what your Brother's car means to you, while you can, life is very very short. Buy the car even if you have to make $15 a week payments to your Family. Your Dad should respect that effort and it might help him deal with his loss too. I don't know how old you are, but these moments in life are what makes us become men. At least cover the car up for now, don't let the damage go any further.

My eldest son just lost his best friend Terry. That little pack of close friends brought Terry's camaro to my house so it can be cleaned up. It's having issues starting and they are ALL pitching in to get it running right. It will be leading all the cars around a couple memorial laps at Bremerton MotorSports Park on the 4th of next month (Terry's Memorial). The car is not in a garage right now, but it at least has a car cover on it that doesn't even fit! "We can't control our curcumstances, but we can control our reactions to them."

I lost my Son and my Dad in the same year (2007), and I live through that pain every minute. It's also tearing me apart seeing the pain on my eldest son's face as he goes through this. There are times when GOD gives us strength and wisdom to get through, but as many have said here, "IT's an unknown and difficult journey"...some don't make it through. Your Family will be in my prayers.

Jimenez Family
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Old 03-14-2012, 07:31 PM   #19
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Re: My brother Died: Now his Camaro sits there. Now what? Some advice needed

No, you're not at all selfish for wanting your brother's car. Keep trying to communicate with your dad, after all, you only get one, and no doubt he is struggling as much, if not more than you are.
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