You know what you hear about how people can beat you only because they have such and such? Well, what are the dumbest reasons youve heard that people can beat you?

My favorites:

Automatics are slow.

"Dude, my civc will toast you, you have an auto and I have a stick." Kid was serious.

Carbuerators suck.

"I dunno, his cougar might beat you, he has fuel injection." Yeah, thats gonna make up for the 2.7 liters he has less.

Just because its turbo, its fast.

"A turbo Beetle would beat you." I flat out told the kid that just because tis turbo doesnt mean its fast.

I know you guys have some good ones. Post them here.

 

Because I have a 454 and you only have a 305 (was a heavy surburban 80's model...he was also serious)

 

I like the story a guy told about a week ago. This car couldn't figure out why he lost to a 3rd Gen. The kid said I don't get it at blah blah (forget tracks name) I run 12s. The guy then remembered that the track was an 1/8th mile track. Haha.

 

"I'd win cuz my car is newer! any 4th gen camaro will waste those old cars!"

quoted from a friend of mine who has a 96 z28 LT1, who gives me crap all the time cuz I have a thirdgen....

 

He does have a point, stock for stock. Except for one thirdgen though. :hail:

 

I get "I have vtec so i will beat you" and "I have more hp per litre"

 

hp/liter is my personal favorite.

 

"I'd beat you because I can burn out further."

Not sure if he was serious, but it gives me a chuckle.

 

"You would smoke all Mustang 5.0's because you have a 5.7"


"He has fwd and 127 lbs of torque, he will beat you off the line"

 

I've also heard people say, "my car is a 4 cyl. That makes it quicker off the line, but not as good at high speed"

 

I had a kid tell me his Integra (bone stock) would take me to 60 because he has a stick! And the worst is the fact that a 305 is automatically faster than a 302, brcause of displacement! Some kids are real idiots today!

 

"My Cavalier is lighter, it will easily beat your Z28!"

 

If I had my "insert: engine, supercharger, NOS, etc here" I would have won.

American cars are junk.

Camaros suck if you want to do anything but go straight. THIS ONE REALLY PISSES ME OFF

My car with a fart pipe sounds good.

I once had a "insert rare or cool car here", but I "wrecked it or sold it way too cheap.

Idiot: What kind of heads do you have?
My friend: AFR 195s
Idiot: Those suck. You should get some camel hump heads. I have em and they run awesome.
My friend: Why would I want old, outdated technology when I have the best of the new? *Walks away*

You need to change your blinker fluid, muffler bearings, old VW beetle radiator"

I drove my car 200 mph. (It's a stock or only mildy modified anything)

 

I just thought of another one I heard from an insurance company.

"Your car is red? That adds to the cost of insurance."

 

Yeah that one really gets my goat also... I want to see a Civic or just about any import take me in the twisties... especially w/ the Ws6 swaybar I installed LOL... once I get my 255 khumos there will be absolutely nothing funny about my cornering capabilities.

 

How about the story a long time ago, about the kid who had an Eclipse that would do 270mph, though he only had it up to 240mph.

 

My personal favorite is: "My car can do 160mph because the speedometer goes up to 160."

 

Ahhh yes. We all know that the Saturn with the 140 mph speedometer is much faster than my camaro with an 85 mph speedometer.

Does that mean since my speedometer is broken, the car can't move?

 

"I wasn't really giving it everything it had dude" yah ok.., whatever..

"if we would have kept going I would have won.. my car gets faster at high speeeds" I beat you already.. why go faster and risk our lives

"I slowed down cuz there was a pothole in my lane"


"When I get my Type R sticker, NAWZ and FARTCAN PIPE I'll win" :sillylol: I maded that one up.. but it's funny!!

"I started late cuz I didn't know you was ready"

"If I wouldnt have had a full tank of gas I would have won"



"I can't race you right now cuz I have a tire that's losing air...."

 

"I have an "H.O." so I'll smoke him for sure"

"I have a v8, he only has a v6" (grand national)

"fuel injection takes away power" as said my a mustang guy, I then pointed out the great 5.0 fi cars of the late 80s

 

Here is one I like.

"That truck could take you, its got like 450 ft/lbs of torque."

Too bad it weighs 6500lbs

 

thats too bad man, how long have you had your car?

 

 

lol, obviously that wasn't supposed to be posted in here,
anyways,

One day I was talking to a typical ***** at school, and I asked him what kind of cars he liked. He enthusiastically (sp?) replied " All imports man, imports kick ***!" so whatever, we were outside and a late 90's BMW 540i drives by and I say "Thats a nice bimmer" and he goes "BMW's suck man!" I laugh and asked "I thought you loved imports?" and then he says "BMW's aren't imports moron, they're from Germany!"

I found this very amusing, and laughed in his face for an extended period of time

 

Some favorites from a friend of mine...

"If my dad still had his Viper he could smoke you."
I'd hope to G0D he could or else he wasted some money.

"Well if I had so and so's car, then I could burn you."
Yeah, and if I had John Force's car, I could burn you.

"Yeah, well when I get my S10 done, then I'll smoke you."
Yeah, and when my project car is done it will smoke that S10.

"Don's 66 GTO would get you off the line with all that torque."
I then asked him what he considered "off the line" and he came back with, "well like a 1/2 mile race or so."
Right, try getting traction with 14 inch bias ply tires and all that torque and then being able to keep up for a half mile.

 

Them: My (insert friend/relative/coworkers name) car could kill yours. He races against Mustangs.
Me: Too bad your Contour couldnt touch my GP or Camaro, or even my moms Trooper.

T: Im getting Naws in my car, Ill just spray you.
M: Until you do, your Honda is still my *****.

T: Im putting a 454 in my car.
M: When you get a job, money, those 14" tires, and everything replaced on your 100hp Cutlass Saloon, then we can talk.

T: Ill kill your Camaro, I just got a new exhaust and chip on my (stock early 90s) Civic Hatchback. Im running high 16s.
M: SHUT THE F*** UP!

 

yep i love those

 

If this was true, Auto Meter would put Apex R, Weapon R, (insert Honda part company name here) R out of business in a week.

 

hmm...

The LS1 was hand built by *** himself.

A 5.0 Mustang cannot beat an LS1 from a 60 mph roll.

A Mustang can't be made to handle well.

mmm...there's more, but I just wanted to get in before the lock

 

I had one from a ***** friend just the other day. He said his Sentra will whoop my now because he just got a body kit and a K&N filter I said, "I hate to burst your bubble but it's going to take a little more than that to take my car with that 94 Sentra:sillylol: "

 

My favorite is: You cant win because old cars are slow! Or "Your car is heavy, therefore I would win"

 

My friend just bought a 96 SS and some kid in a mid 90's Saturn wagon with a fartpipe and a K&N thinks it would be a good race! I laughed my @$$ off at that one!


And I love the speedo thing!


Oh yeah Nic NO mustang can touch an LS1!!

 

haha this is more of a story i guess,not a line but oh well:

My frined got a 95 civic si (vtec,oh yeah!).He put in a header,and did some other crap i cant remember.

Me: thats pretty nice lookin for a civic
Him: yeah dude,its so fast
Me:Whats it run?
Him:Probably 17's,but wait till i get NOS man!!


hmmmm...since when has 17's been fast?

 

How about these for ya?
<p>
"I got intake and exhaust!!!"
<p>
"V8 engines are heavier then the VTEC"
<p>
That speedometer one is the best one though.
<p>
Here is a joke me and my friend's made the other day
<p>
Honda's are what i like to call "ME TOO" cars. Here is what i mean.
<p>
Owner #1 - Hey i got a CIVIC hatchback today
Owner #2 - ME TOO
<p>
Owner #1 - I got a exhaust, intake and a wing on it
Owner #2 - ME TOO
<p>
Owner #1 - It's got a body kit
Owner #2 - ME TOO
<p>
Owner #1 - I think my car is fast!!
Owner #2 - ME TOO
<p>

 

bahaha! attaboy!!!
then we put nawz on our cars and its back to spankin time!!

hehe

 

thisisn't about racing but i went to a local salvage yard and asked the guy there if they had any 4th gen seats for my car.....

."OH I'm sorry sir those wont fit...see in 93 they changed the body style so seats out of a '95(which is what i was looking at) won't fit..."

"ME: (LG4)stock
Himlt1) I'll beat you in the 1/4....

Me: no really??? are sure?
Him: yeah......(seriously)

I have heard people say
"he's got a fart can so he'll probly beat you.."

 

 

That just got printed and put up in my cubicle at work. Next to my Garfield comic where Jon threatens to beat Garfield with a Type-R shoulderpad.

 

I always liked...

My tires are smaller (referring alot of import 14's Vs Camaro's 16's) they can get spinning faster...

Main I woulda had you if I would not have missed that shift <-- LEARN HOW TO DRIVE THEN.

I can't get good traction with these tires (refering to STOCK TIRES)

You may be faster but my sterios better!. (I personally have a 600 watt system in my car thats sounds damn good and still was faster)

My clutch is slipping

Its only a V6(refering to an actual 3.1 V6) my 4cy has more power then yours. (note I have more torque)

I don't have my gears yet.

I did not know I was outta NAWS.... :sillylol:

You may be faster but I get better MPG (My car gets roughly 28-29 MPG around here cause its mostly country)

My 5 Speed will beat your 5 Speed (again comparing 3.1 V6 to 4cy):sillylol:

The gears in my auto are lower then your 5 speed gears. (Too bad theres not torque to drive them gears!)

Theres a few on ere that really get a good chuckle.

 

here's another
these were posted on a corvette forum but i can't find the address. i have tons more let me know if you want them
Andrew

 

Ecspecially cause I can get them for about $500!...

 

hey smokin87, send some my way mayhem810@att.net

 

Could someone post a pic or a link to the famous "rice citation" ticket that someone kept posting. Never downloaded it when i had a chance, much appreciated. It is a great bit of humor.

 

gents... i have had tons of that
hey i have a bigger alternator for more power
my truck has a 350... it will kill ur car!
if i put strait pipes on my delta 88...it will kill ur car
(same guy) my 88 will take u off the line... its FWD
(samve guy) my 88 has the camaro (3.8) engine in it. its fast..i heard that twice... once for that... and the kid with the 350 truck..his mom has a car with the 3.8
my friend kevin wants to make a supercharger/turbocharger so it has low end and high end powe!!!! if u have one...u lost the priciple on the other!!!
and this is all from 3 kids... they want my camaro...they wana put there d*ck in the tail pipe.... and whevever i have to fix something...they say its a POS... till i smoke them again.... i have more... but i gotta eat..... i have heard that speedo one one to many times!! aight peace

 

HIM: his engine has reached its horsepower limit.
ME: Engines don't have a horspower limit.
HIM: well imports do.
:lala: :lala:

 

when I'm in my cutlass Them "Hey that car sounds nice"
Me "Nice sounding for a 307 huh"
T "I'm sorry, I thought you had a 350"
Me "Why do you say that?"
T "My 305 would smoke you stock"
F.Y.I untill I put my headers on a rebuilt my tranny, that cutlass beat my IROC with a 350 It's a 307 project NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HOW DANG HARD IT IS TO MOD A 307


Ricers (Atten Mark you made reference to this earlier) After I smoke this civics AZZ " I don't understand, I run 12's at Windy. " I laugh instantly because Windy Hollow is a 1/8 mile track

 

i think they are at www.ricecop.com
could be www.ricecop.org but i don't think so
Andrew

 

Here's my Favorite:

Just because its a 4cyl its slow

hahahhaha - FLAME ON!!!

 

I have seen a FEW PROPERLY BUILT 4'S that did mid 12's at the track. Granted there are a FEW out there that do it right. It's the rest of the snots, that ruin it.

 

EVERYONE please check out my post on the Suggestions Board about a Rice Forum for here.