Hey Guys,

Some of you may recognize me as the guy who has been asking vacuum hose and emissions related questions over the past two months on TGO.

This is because i made a poor purchase decision and ended up in Smog Hell. Smog Hell is when you live in California, and you have no emissions equipment on your car and its unregistered.

You can AVOID Smog Hell by buying a California Car with an approved CAT that has already been smogged.

You get INTO Smog Hell, by being a total retard, and buying a Washington car with everything hack-sawed off and then shipping it to California. You can also end up in the rectum of the bowels of Smog Hell, when you also don't know very much about cars.

However, you then have to get OUT of Smog Hell, and let me tell you that it is going to take you every fiber of your being, kind TGO-ers, and a LOT of alcohol, but i am here to tell you, it can be done.

I could have gone to my friends shady 3rd cousin bill and have him shove his Emissions equipment up a Prius while he types Firebird into the computer, but i didn't.

I am either very stubborn, one very stupid motherf***er, or both. Either way I learned a lot about myself.

This is my story. I think this is a great community, and i would NOT have have made it without you guys. Thanks everyone, but especially to gearhead141 who had an identical car, and basically guided me through the final stages of getting this done by taking A LOT of time emailing me.

Apologies if anything here is too over the top, mods i will change anything you need.

Update 6/11 : Thanks everyone for your comments, I've added some more details to certain parts. I drove the car to work today. I just want to also say.... my car performance is literally the exact same with the old valve covers, old breather, air pump, and old emissions gear back on. There is NO noticeable difference. Trust me, i would know, i drove the car without the gear up and down my long street 100 times when moving it. Maybe it would show up on a dyno, maybe, but it feels like it drives and accelerates the exact same. IMHO, Taking this **** off just cannot be worth it unless its just the 'clean vacuum hose free' look you are going for.

Chapter 1 - A Boy And His Dream and Don't Be An Idiot

Ever since I was 8, I wanted a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am like Knight Rider. I came from Europe where it was huge and it was my dream to own one some day. On some random day in March 2015, i decided that now was the time, i didn't know why, but it was. I think Knight Rider was on Netflix and well... actually yeah that was it. I went looking, and after about two days, i found a Black one. In my two days of research i had determined only one thing.

Black respray paint jobs cost about 3k-5k to get them done properly.

I decided I MUST find a black Trans-Am at all costs, or i am out 3k. I imagine its going to take forever in my head. I don't research what a proper Knight Rider replica needs to be (a 1982 for starters) and just focus on a Black car. Its going to take forever right?

It literally takes 2 weeks.

I see this on Craigslist, I've probably looked at a couple of hundred at this point.


The Black Trans-Am of Doom. This would later appear in my nightmares.



OOooooh. Bowling ball hubcaps that are the wrong size for KITT, lets buy those!

I start throwing money at the screen, but a Trans-Am isn't coming out. I obviously need to contact the seller. I offer him $500 deposit and decide this is my car. Some marital issues ensue when my wife realizes that i am in fact serious about becoming David Hasslehoff. They last about 3 days. Perfect, Just enough time for me to completely ignore her and wrap up the sale. boom.


My approach to spouse negotiation

Anyhoo, you know the best way to buy a car? Sight unseen! Its like a little mini vegas you can go to in your head and gamble all of your money away! Yay - lets do that!

Cut to me wiring 3 grand to a guy I've never met. Turns out to be a nice chap actually and him and his buddies are VERY handy with a hacksaw!

I'll stop here and say this could have all been avoided if i had watched the right movies.


Words to live by

Ahhh. But i did. Lets continue. We are nowhere NEAR finished with this vehicle, that at one point i was literally convinced, had been spewed from Satan's anus.

Chapter 2 - On The Way

At this point we were ready to ship. Oh yeah shipping, there's another $750 i didn't account for. Don't worry though Knighte, there's going to be LOTS and LOTS of those types of costs, you won't even remember you spent that money at the end of all this. Who cares, keep going!

I get a nice pic from the owner of it before it goes on the truck. I should mention at this point that he is the nicest guy ever and really does not know anything about CA emissions, he just tuned the car for performance in his state, where they don't care. This is 100% me.

It arrives when i am away on Business, and i have to get a friend to get it off of the truck. When i get back i am so happy, i have a Knight Rider car. Woohoo! Lets go get it registered. Where's that DMV link again...

Chapter 3 - The Dawn of the Dead Duck

Oh dear... I don't have much time to get things registered do i? 20 days should be enough to get a smog test though. Off i pop to the Smog Test station on the 4th of April.

"Oh dear oh dear oh dear" said the Smog Man. "We don't have a CAT do we?, its been sawed off, or any Air Check valves, they've been sawed off aswell. I don't see an Air Diverter valve, or an EGR Solenoid, or in fact ANY vacuum hoses whatsoever on your car."

"Your valve covers have no PCV valves, and you don't have the stock air breather, and where are your emissions decals, i don't even know where this stuff would go to even begin to do a visual inspection"

"Also, it would seem you have no check engine light at all, and even if you did, i can't tell which one it is because this new fangled Intellitronix digital dash thats been installed doesn't actually mark them."

"I would come back, when like, you know, all that is fixed. In the meantime try not to get it impounded. "

And so began my journey.

Chapter 4 - Its not that bad is it?

Oh but it is. You see in California, you only have a limited time to get these things fixed and if you ask for extensions, well you end up at a referee station and well, that's when i hear your car gets crushed because its a gross polluter and can never be on the road. None of this is probably true, except the referee station bit. But i was scared and ill informed.

The thought of losing my car made me want to puke and so i set about figuring out how i could rectify the situation before the "dates" caught up with me.

But hey, what was i worrying about. Praise the lord for mechanics. I knew that god put them on this earth so that dumb-asses like me wouldn't have to worry about stuff like this. All i had to do was find one who would work on domestics prior to 95.

Yeah. So that's a dying breed, the first 3 shops in LA basically said they couldn't handle it. I was like wtf? There are like 3 "British" specialty shops in the area working on 80's jaguars, and no-one can work on my trans-am? The last one referred me to someone who "might" be able to. Dave.

I called Dave's shop, they said no problem bring it down. THANK GOD.

I pull up and i mention i have no check engine light or CAT, and that i am missing some smog equipment. They say sure, they'll do an inspection and let me know where i am at tomorrow. I jump in my Uber and head back home, happy that it was finally in good hands.

This was right when i guess they opened the hood. I got a call asking me to come back after about 5 minutes into the ride. The uber driver turns around as i'm talking to him about having just dropped off my dream car. He drops me off at Dave's shop. And then they drop the knowledge on me.

My car is SO far gone in terms of missing equipment and parts that it is literally going to cost me thousands to get it on the road. They suggest i either

a) Write a blank check to an auto restorer
b) Register it in Washington in the Zip code that it came from. and keep it registered there. for. ev. er.

b) is not an option seeing as i have no friends or family in Washington, and the only thing the seller knows about me is that i like to give money away.

And so my search for someone who would not laugh at what needed to be done began.

Chapter 5 - Baby steps

I type firebird into yelp's mechanics section. Just to see you know, if anyone, ever, had anything done on a car like mine by someone reputable.

And that's when i found Jimmy. Jimmy was a friendly mechanic from somewhere in Asia, who would turn out to be the guy that would turn everything around... but i didn't know that yet. He had been there for like 30 years and he was basically game for anything. Everything was 'fine'. "Bring it to me, we'll fix it up".

And so i spent $110 that weekend towing the car to Jimmy in Silverlake

I'd resolved to the fact that i was going to have to tow it everywhere... time was tight and i was already 5 days into 20.

Once i'd met him, i instantly felt like things were heading in the right direction, but detected some over-optimism. I think i could have pushed the car off the side of the transporter onto its side and let it drop to the cement with no wheels on it, and Jimmy would have been ok to start working on it right away. There had to be something wrong.

But there wasn't. I left it there, and Jimmy even said he would search the scrap yards for the parts for me. It was a dream come true.

Except for one thing. Emissions equipment doesn't grow on trees, and the right cars weren't in his area. After 2 weeks he called me to say he had gone as far as he could go and that he was out of parts. I needed to come get it and take it as is.

I could not tow the car back, i had no where to store it and i couldn't drive it. I was totally f**ked.

I quickly said that it was no problem and that i would get the parts and drop them down for him in the next few days, and begged him to not kick the car out of his lot.

I lied. i lied alot. i had no parts. i had no parts source. i had no idea where i was going to get them from.

Chapter 6 - Digging yourself deeper

Over the next day and a half, i must have been on Craigslist for about 8 hours. The parts were expensive, an Air Diverter valve new was over $300 and i was running out of budget. I had about $1000 left. So i took another gamble... before you read ahead, you have to understand that at this point ALL rational thought has gone out the window.

Here was the car with all of the parts i needed. About 2 hours away.

It was an 1982 LG4 Carbed V8. It was perfectly disgusting looking and the guy wanted $1000 for it. And this is where **** got real...

I'm building a Knight Rider right? It had 15" turbocasts and PMD seats. F**k it, i bought the whole thing. I can take the 14" turbo casts that i own, WITH CAPS, and then sell them. Fit the 15" to the car and get 15" caps. Genius.

I drive up and give him a deposit of $500 and take the turbocasts home, i arrange to do an engine stripping the next day. Its 110 degrees and i have to pull this engine apart during the day. I get seriously sunburnt. The guy selling the car drives to get water for us both, its just too hot.

I destroy the engine, everything is gone except the block. Many of the smaller hoses disintegrate as i take them off.

Once i am done, i look at the car, with spare wheels on it, and think about what i am going to do with it.

I tell him to keep the car and the seats, they are ripped and i have no energy to take them out. I don't give him the other $500 and so he agrees to the turbo casts and the engine parts.

I put them all in a bag and drive them straight to Jimmy.

 

Great story with lots of expensive lessons to benefit future 3rd gen'ers . You led us right to the edge, please update when certificate is issued. I don't know anything about CA emissions, but I would guess that in addition to all of the equipment physically needing to be there, it probably also has to function as designed.

 

KNIGHTE...I must say you have a lot of patience! How's the marriage doing? Are ya sleeping on the beach yet?

A great story so far; glad I/we can help out where possible.
I lived out there in Lancaster/Palmdale/Mojave area for 23 years, I know what SMOG is about. EVERY 2 years to the SMOG Station to get a exhaust enema and pay 40-60 bucks for a piece of paper..it's crazy. I have to ask....you knew it had no SMOG on it and that it was going to be a expensive long road to make this right, why did you buy a out of state car? Ummm...don't answer that, I read your story.

As eseibel67 mentioned, you led us to the edge.
I look forward to other great chapters to come!

Hang in there!

-Bob

 

Check the second part out:
https://www.thirdgen.org/forums/tech...mbers-tgo.html

 

WOW. hoping to hear the end!

 

Yes 100%. Everything needs to work, The stations are very picky! Thanks for reading :-)

 

Hey Bob!

So I was totally ignorant of CA emissions laws. I moved here 2 years ago and bought a brand new mini - no smog required. I had an inkling that it would be a problem, and did ask the seller if the emissions equipment had been removed but he said he did not think so. His zip had no smog rules so I doubt he really knew what his mechanic had done. I'm out of the dog house now, but I was in there for quite a while :-)

 

California is hell for that stuff, that's why I have a 52 styleline in case I need to move there 😄 can you say smog exempt?

What mechanic has issues working on a small block Chevy? That's very surprising to me. Trans ams are in their own way unique, but its all the same stuff essentially

 

Yeah dude, I was surprised myself. Even Dave who has owned his business in Santa Monica for 30 years admitted that he was super rusty tuning my E4ME.

Other garages just make their money so much more easily on ODBII cars I don't think it's worth it for them. Plus the mechanics being hired at those shops probably weren't born when our cars came out :-)

It feels like to me that Domestic engine work on older cars is going to become more expensive and difficult to find in large cities like Los Angeles, because the business traffic of ODBII cars is SOooo huge that mechanics either don't even get a chance to, or would rather not, work on them.

Like I said 2 out of 3 shops wouldn't take anything less than 95.

I bet it's different in other states and cities.

I guess the British domestic shops survive because rich people in LA keep bringing them their Aston Martins and Jaguars!

 

Welcome to the world of knight rider. I was glad I could help you get the last parts off my 82 for your car to get running.

 

Thanks dude - actually i will add more detail on that to the story :-)

 

Soooooooo sorry you live in CA I live in NV i know smog i got classic rod plate smog exempt can only drive 5000 miles a year though .. but i only drive a 1000 a year Gonna move to KY no smog no insp. does cali have any exempt plates?

 

Yes - anything pre 76' i think is smog exempt! If only Knight Rider had been made in the early seventies :-)

 

nv has the classic rod plate for 25yrs or older...... anything pre 76 smog wasnt even thought of so mook point guess cali doesn't give breaks no wonder everyone hates on cali smog rules what a bunch of a..holes but glad you legal heafty fines if not legal

 

It's not hard to find a shop that works on carbs....if you have a Holley or Edelbrock. No one wanted to touch my Qjet. That's when I met Naf and Damon on here. And I read a lot of books.

Most shops, if they can't plug their scanner into it, they're lost. No one teaches troubleshooting anymore.

 

KY, where the air is clean and the emissions laws don't exist.

 

Well, I'm glad I could help you out in some small way with this.

Enjoy the car. Er, um.... cars. Or.... parts of cars.

Get out of The People's Republik of Kalifornia as fast as you can. If you enjoy the heat but want less "big brother" I hear Texas is a popular destination. Arizona's not bad in some parts, too.

 

Kali is bad business dude!

I'm just glad you were able to get your car running and passing their emissions insepctions. That was one hell of a story for sure!

 

Mate I can so relate to your story. Mainly about being eager and ignorant LOL.
Just over two years ago I saw a '82 Trans Am and just had to have it. It was my dream car from when I was a Knight Rider addict at about 8 years old.
I'm not an impulsive person, i had never driven a V8 or an american car, and this was my chance as I had just had a promotion and good payrise.
The caption above "**** It, i'm buying a car" was pretty much my attitude and words verbatim.
As much as I love the car, like you it was, and still is a source of tension and arguments between me and my wife.
Not knowing much about cars, let alone a Pontiac 82 Trans Am, I didn't realise I had just purchased a sports car with one of the worst V8's in existence. I got such a fright when I saw all the hoses and junk under the hood... I could hardly see the engine.
I read up on the internet about everything I could learn with my limited knowledge of cars about this car. Over the course of two years i've probably learned more about a car in the last two years than I have in my entire life.
Eventually I was referred by a friend to a chevy guru in town. He advised me that I should get all the emissions junk off it as this was not a requirement in NZ, and he had done this job before. $1000's later I had a new exhaust, muffler and headers with the emissions crap removed, but bugger me it was an expensive exercise, and has since made me a bit of a laughing stock for paying that much for it. I also had a dyno read out which proved that it had increased by about 25hp for my cash injection.
I was advised that for the money required to make anything decent out of the 305, I might as well get a 350 put in. This seemed logical, so the next step was getting a new engine and trans, for which I initially selected a 350 chevy and TH350 trans, despite the guy who extracted the emissions crap trying his best to convince me to put in a 383. Maybe I was paranoid but after reading up about subframe connectors, probably needing a new diff and a trans, and i'm sure the list doesn't end there, I was feeling like I would never get started.
Luckily I found a real guru who has a reliable reputation for building race engines on a low budget that were reliable and could blitz engines that were bigger and more expensive. Over the last year I have been slowly getting a 350 chevy and TH400 trans rebuilt and put together by him.
The new engine and trans is going in next week. I'm looking forward to it but i've spent thousands more on it so yeah i'm not in the good books if you know what I mean.
I hope you get all the enjoyment you deserve out of your Trans Am, I really enjoyed reading your post.

 

Thanks for the comment dude. The things we put our spouses through. Thankfully its all worked out at this point.

Just checked out your pics, what were you doing with the playing cards? and how did you get those wheels so cleaned up?

 

Hi KnightE. Glad to hear things worked out I cleaned up the rims as best I could and gave them a 300 grit light sand. I then used the playing cards around the rim which masked off the tyre quite nicely while I painted them in "Hori" chrome lol. It's been nearly 2 years and the paint hasn't come off yet so i was really happy with the result.

 

Awesome read, loved the way you put it haha

Can't you swap a newer engine in without repercussions? Hate to see you ended up with an LG4 after all this work! LT1 swap would have probably cost the same haha